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Nobody’s brain is exactly high functioning right after an orgasm. All sorts of hormones are flooding our bodies, including some that make us sleepy, some that make us depressed, some that make us feel more emotionally bonded to our partner, and more. If you ask me, in addition to not driving after consuming alcohol or taking painkillers, we also shouldn’t drive immediately after an orgasm. Our brains are all foggy and we just don’t have the command over our limbs that we normally have—sounds kind of like the effects of drugs, right? Well, it is, which is why we can make some mistakes right after sex. From practical to physical to emotional, there are some actions you just shouldn’t take post-coitus unless you want a literal or figurative mess on your hands. Here are things you’re doing wrong right after sex.
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Not peeing
Women in particular should urinate right after sex. Their partners just introduced a lot of foreign bacteria into their bodies that should be flushed out immediately. Letting that bacteria hang out inside our bodies can be a recipe for a urinary tract infection.
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Going again too soon
You’re both very into each other, but that doesn’t mean that your anatomy can keep up with your lust. Don’t go for another round until you’ve given your body a chance to…re-lubricate and relax. If you’re sore down there, or dry, then the second round can just be painful.
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Separating immediately
Our bodies release bonding hormones after sex like the oh-so-complex oxytocin. If you and your partner hop out of bed and go on with your days immediately after orgasm, that abrupt separation—while your body is filled with bonding chemicals—can leave you feeling depressed. So cuddle for a while.
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Not showering
You’re sweaty. You may have lube (not to mention other things) on various parts of your body. So, for goodness sake, have a rinse. Don’t trap bacteria beneath your clothes.
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Putting the same undies on
If you were wearing underwear during foreplay then those underwear may be, um, how do I say this politely—basically a swamp by now. Don’t put those back on. That’s another recipe for a UTI. Put on fresh underwear.
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Not changing the condom
Here’s another rule if you want to go again: change condoms. Yes, you’re with the same partner so there isn’t risk of STDs but, the used condom has now been exposed to the air, and may have collected germs. And if your partner’s, eh, material is in that condom, it’s likely to break.
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Failing to wash sex toys
Those wonderful and fascinating sex toys you keep in your bedside table need to be washed after every use. Don’t let them sit around for an hour after sex so bacteria and fluids can cake onto them.
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Skipping water
Whether you realize it or not, you just got a workout, and released quite a bit of sweat. You could probably use some fluids, since you just released a lot (that’s especially true for your partner).
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Skipping the play-by-play
If there was something you and your partner tried, or something your partner did to you, that you loved, tell him. Now’s the time—while it’s fresh in your memory and the moment is natural. You probably won’t tell him that while you’re, like, doing laundry together tomorrow.
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Grabbing your phones
Leave those damn phones alone for ten minutes (at least). Sex is one of the few times when it’s just you and your partner, isolated from the world, enjoying alone time. Don’t let the world creep back in so quickly.
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Smoking
You shouldn’t smoke after sex because, well, you just shouldn’t smoke. But even if you are a smoker, keep those cigs outdoors—nobody wants sheets and pillowcases that smell like tobacco.
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Talking chores
If you’re in a long-term relationship and live together, you may be tempted to launch back into real life talk after sex. But maybe you can wait ten or 15 minutes before discussing the fact that you’re out of dish detergent.
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Letting the dog in
Do some tidying up before letting Fido in! You don’t want him to eat a used condom, or lick—you know what—off anyone’s body.
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Staying connected
Once everyone’s finished, have your partner pull out. You should stay physically connected by cuddling, but don’t let him stay inside of you much longer. You don’t want that stew of fluids and bacteria sitting in there.
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Giving notes
This is not your time to leave a Yelp review of your partner’s performance. Compliments are, of course, always welcome. But don’t ask him to grab a pen and notebook to take down your critique.
