Signs you carry most of the weight in your relationship

Gettyimages.com/Young African American man playing cards with his girlfriend and thinking of his next move while woman is peeking at his cards.

A relationship should be an equal partnership, but things aren’t always as they should be. Perhaps because we evolved to be sensitive to the cries of a baby, women can also be too attentive to the demands of an immature man. I see a lot of women in relationships that resemble that of mom and toddler more than that of romantic partners sometimes. It can happen when your partner begins to take you for granted—to believe you’d never go anywhere, and that he doesn’t need to pay as much attention/be as alert. What happens? He dumps the burden on you. When you’re a couple, you’re in a way running a small business together. What you do affects the other. You represent each other. But sometimes you may find that you’re the only one thinking about the whole, and your partner is just thinking about himself. Here are signs you carry most of the weight in your relationship.

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His emotions trump yours

If you’ve both had a terrible day, you’ll spend the evening tending to his emotional breakdown. His wins, every time. You usually have to lick his wounds for him, and then—only when he’s better—go somewhere alone and lick your own.

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He’s in the dark on domestic chores

He’s never bought toilet paper. He’s always had toilet paper when he needs it, but he’s never bought it. He also hasn’t thanked you for it. Where does he think it comes from? The toilet paper fairy? That must be the same person who keeps doing his dishes and putting away his laundry. He certainly doesn’t seem to know that it’s you. It’s okay to bring it up–all couples who live together fight sometimes.

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You represent solo at events

You often attend events to which you were both invited, by yourself. Sometimes you don’t feel like going either but you know your partner will not go solo and represent for the both of you. So the task always falls on you.

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You wait on hold

If anybody needs to wait on hold with an air line, car insurance company, internet company—it’s you. When your partner gets that hold music, he hands you the phone so he can do other tasks. Because, ya know, you have nothing to do.

Gettyimages.com/Young woman in a relationship home alone is taking a break in a cosy corner

His absence feels like a vacation

Real talk: when he leaves town, you kind of feel like you’re on vacation. You feel like you can exhale. You want to jump and shout and dance!

Young couple having romantic dinner at home. Eating pizza and drinking wine. Well dressed.

You remind him of date night 

If you didn’t point out to him that you both only have one free night, on the same night, for the next month, he would never notice that on his own. He doesn’t think about that when he looks at the calendar. If you didn’t predict and plan and schedule things, you two would go months without a date night.

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You remind him about sex

Everything about date night applies to sex, too. The man just doesn’t seem to think about the fact that, over the next two weeks, you have exactly one very specific window in which you can have sex. And if you didn’t point it out, he’d fill that window with another activity, and then you’d be looking at another two weeks without sex.

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You buy the wedding/baby gifts

He cannot be bothered to look online for a gift for a baby shower or wedding to which you were both invited. Forget about driving to the actual store. This task always falls on you—even if it’s his friend’s wedding or baby shower.

Gettyimages.com/Thank You written on a white card with blue pen.

You handle all holiday/thank you cards

You’re in charge of the home’s correspondence. People would think you and your man were the rudest couple in the world if RSVPs and thank you notes were left up to him—they’d just never go out.

Gettyimages.com/A beautiful young woman sits at a table in a coffee shop with her friend. She holds a coffee mug as she listens to her with a concerned and caring expression.

Friends ask if you’re taking care of yourself

Your friends always grill you to make sure you’re taking care of yourself. They say things like, “Your boyfriend/husband better not be tiring you out. I hope he appreciates you.”

Gettyimages.com/A young woman is serious as she holds a pair of eyeglasses and sits on a living room couch with an unrecognizable friend. She is asking her advice on a matter of concern.

You make excuses for him

You often have to make excuses to other people, for your partner’s behavior. Whether he’s grumpy at dinner on a double date or bails at the last minute on a double date, you somehow wind up explaining his actions. He doesn’t call the friends himself.

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He’s helpless when you travel

When you leave town for all of one day, your phone won’t stop blowing up. This man doesn’t know the password to any of your shared devices, he has no clue where you store the most basic items, and he’s just lonely.

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His parents thank you profusely

His parents are overly grateful to you every time they see you. Basically, they’re grateful to you for taking this big baby off of their hands.

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You vent to everyone else

You vent to everyone else in your life about your stress and troubles—except him. He is one of your stresses and troubles. He certainly isn’t going to be your therapist.