Gettyimages.com/hugging Couple embracing outdoors
Nobody wants to admit when they’re in a rebound relationship. If you need a rebound, it’s usually because you’re in a lot of pain and when you’re in a lot of pain, you don’t want to dwell on that. The troubling thing about rebound relationships is that, usually, you’re running so fast from the pain of your previous relationship that you almost have to make massive commitments, and start acting like a serious couple fast—it’s the only way to outrun the truth. Rebounds have their place but, if you refuse to admit it’s a rebound, you can accidentally parlay this thing into your next serious relationship. And, unfortunately, it’s standing on quicksand. If you aren’t whole and healed, you can’t form any sort of lasting relationship. Here are signs he’s you’re rebound, and you’re in denial.
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Nobody’s excited for you
When you tell your friends about the cute thing the guy did and how happy you are, they never match your enthusiasm. They’re just staring at you, in awe of what a great actor you are—and how well you’re fooling yourself.
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You’re still moving out of your ex’s
You’re still tying up loose ends with the ex. You’re picking up boxes from this place, coordinating custody over the dog, and editing forms so he’s no longer your emergency contact.
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People are still asking about your breakup
Your friends assume that you’d still be heartbroken over your ex because that breakup is fresh and it was brutal. So they aren’t even asking about this new guy you’re dating—their questions revolve around your recent breakup.
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He’s the polar opposite of your ex
This rebound guy is the polar opposite of your ex. Maybe your ex was a button-down, corporate type with a five-year plan and this new guy lives on the beach, wears tie-dye, makes a living walking dogs, and doesn’t even have a five-day plan.
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You’re attached at the hip
When you’re in a lot of pain, you distract yourself by never being alone. So you and this rebound are attached at the hip. But that’s not really a natural, healthy progression for a relationship.
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You won’t talk about your ex
You shut your friends down when they ask about the ex, or your breakup. In fact, you almost develop brief devil horns and have smoke come out of your nostrils until they drop it. Then you make a 180 degree turn and cheer up as if everything’s fine.
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You won’t think about the ex
You’ve taken great pains to block the ex out of your life. You take extra long routes home so as not to drive by his gym. You’ve blocked him on social media. You ask a neighbor to check your mail and throw out any mail to him so you don’t have to see it. That’s the pain that comes when you’re not over somebody.
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You’re making other changes
You got a drastic haircut, became a smoker, got a tattoo, adopted a pet snake…your entire personality and look is changing. Translation: you’re a bit lost right now.
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You go on lots of trips
You and the rebound are always getting out of town. It makes you antsy to stay in town with him. It’s your way of literally escaping what’s going on.
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You’re moving fast
You’re already living together and talking marriage and kids. That’s what happens when your pain is catching up with you—you take larger leaps forward.
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You’re having panic attacks
You’ve started having panic attacks (particularly after making big moves forward with the rebound). That’s your gut telling you this is all wrong.
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Nobody understands the bond
People just don’t…see it. They ask you pretty obvious questions that indicate they don’t know what you see in that guy, or understand what you even have in common.
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Silence terrifies you
You always have to do something exciting or new or fun with this person. Being still or silent lets the anxiety creep in…so you’re always going on speed boats or sky diving or getting tattoos.
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It’s all sex and little talking
You are having a lot of sex. Like, so much sex. It’s embarrassing when people ask what you did last weekend because you just had sex.
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It’s the first person who showed up
This guy is really just the first person who showed up and showed you moderate interest since your breakup. What are really the odds that that person is the one?
