Gettyimages.com/Young happy couple moving into their new house and talking to each other.
I try not to stick my nose where it doesn’t belong but it’s really hard for me to keep my mouth shut when I see a couple rushing into a relationship. Whether that means moving in together, getting married, moving across the country for each other, or having kids together, all of these things, when done too soon, can have dire consequences. The trouble is that, once people have made such massive commitments, if they realize they’ve made a mistake, the idea of admitting they were wrong can seem more painful than just sticking it out, forever, with the wrong person. That’s one of the reasons you see so many people who clearly shouldn’t be together—they were too stubborn to throw up their hands and say, “Whoops.” There’s really no good excuse for rushing a relationship. There’s no upside, but there are plenty of downsides. Here are all the silly reasons people rush relationships.
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I’m getting older so, nobody will want me
Even if you’re getting older, so is everybody else. To men your age, you look…not young, not old, but just like peers to them. It’s not like you want to attract a man 20 years your junior right? No—he’d be a nightmare to date. It’s okay if you’re dating in an older pool now; you wouldn’t want to be in the younger one.
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Everyone’s already taken
That’s not true. If anything, if you’re in your 40s through 60s, it’s quite possible that couples who will get divorced are doing that around now, freeing up a lot of possibilities for you. So don’t lock things down with the wrong person, for fear that there’s nobody else available.
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I’m tired of dating
Yeah, dating is exhausting. But this excuse is a catch 22 because, truly, you should only commit to somebody who makes you feel that dating is not exhausting. That means you feel really comfortable with this person. So if you haven’t found that person yet—if you still feel that dating is exhausting, with the person you’re currently dating—then being with that person will always be exhausting. Married or not.
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What if there’s nobody else
Okay first off, there is. But even if there weren’t, you’ll always be happier alone than you will be spending your life with the wrong person. That is a dynamic that will drain your soul of everything it has. But, anyways, like I said, there is somebody else. And you really shouldn’t settle down with someone who you see as a last resort.
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He could meet somebody else
If you’re rushing into marriage or having kids with someone because you worry that it’s the only way to keep him committed to you, then I’ve got news to you: that guy is going to cheat or leave you either way. You may as well not involve a divorce or kids in it.
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Rent is cheaper
Cheaper rent is not a good reason to move in with the wrong person. Get a roommate. I know of way too many couples who stay in miserable relationships, all because neither person wants to give up the good rent.
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Marital tax breaks
Are tax breaks really worth potentially marrying the wrong person? If this doesn’t work out, you’ll lose all the money you got in those tax breaks when you spend it on your divorce.
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I’m older so, I know myself by now
With age does not necessarily come wisdom. If you’ve been jumping from one relationship to the next, barely ever single, your entire adult life, then you probably don’t really know yourself. Sorry.
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I just want to settle down already
Nothing will feel settled or calm about a life spent with the wrong person. You will suffer so much inner torment—not to mention outer torment through fighting—that your life will feel anything but settled.
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I want a baby
So…adopt. Use a sperm donor. Do the single parent thing. Or, keep in mind that having a child with the wrong person isn’t fair to that child, who will witness parents that do not love each other.
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I don’t want to die alone
You won’t because you have an entire network of humans who love you aside from a romantic partner. But, furthermore, you’ll find someone long before that happens. But if you marry the wrong person, you will die a little inside every day.
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It just feels right
Well sure, all new relationships feel right. That’s all the hormones and sex and excitement. Just because something feels right nine months in doesn’t mean it will feel that way four years in.
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Let’s jump before we get cold feet
Jumping into something, for fear that, if you stop and think about it, you won’t do it, should be the very reason you don’t do it. You should feel totally confident that if you thought long and hard about this, you’d still want to do it. You can’t outrun your common sense forever.
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Everything’s good on paper
You have the same interests and hobbies, the same goals, and the same values. Great. But you really can’t just talk your way through a relationship. You have to be in one for years to actually know what it would be like. A relationship that looks great on paper could be a disaster in real life, but only time can tell.
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We can always just divorce later
Well, if you find yourself saying that now then, you’ll definitely be getting a divorce. Which means that, while you’re technically rushing things, you’re also knowingly wasting everybody’s time.
