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I know it’s cliché and perhaps obnoxious, but I can’t help but ask my friends, right after they’ve tied the knot, “So, how’s married life?” To the naked eye, it obviously isn’t much different. I’m part of a generation of couples who might date, cohabitate, and even have children together years before getting married. In many ways, my married friends were already so deeply enmeshed in one another’s lives before tying the knot that, getting married was really just paperwork. But it is still a big deal, so I always ask them if anything has change, or if anything has stayed the same. I’ve noticed a few answers that seem to be consistent across most couples that I ask. It would be strange if marriage didn’t change one thing, right? But if it changes a lot then, maybe the couple wasn’t ready for marriage. Here is how married life is different, and the same, according to newlyweds.

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Sex feels very official

For the first few months after the wedding, sex has this…weight on it. It’s very official. That sex is government sanctioned! And, could it be sex with a purpose now? Like…reproduction? The seriousness of it fades away eventually though.

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Getting out of it would be harder

Every married couple has that moment when they recognize that, if they wanted to end this relationship now, it would be much harder than it would have been when they were just dating. Sure, before they had an apartment and pet custody to split. But now, there would be court documents and lawyers.

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Money must be discussed in-depth

Deciding to get married forces a couple to have a discussion they never had before: do they get a prenup? And if so, that sparks many other, difficult conversations. If one person makes significantly more than the other, while they hope to never get a divorce, they also wouldn’t want to see half of their hard-earned money go to someone else who did not work for that money.

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You may become more independent

Somehow, solidifying the relationship through marriage can actually help some couples relax, and become more independent. Some pairs spend a little less time together—for better or for worse—after getting married because they feel like their partner isn’t going anywhere.