Signs you’ve been wallowing for too long

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It’s important to give yourself time to grieve after a breakup. In fact, not giving yourself that time and just diving back into the dating pool—or a full-blown relationship—can have bad repercussions. We’ve all made that mistake and found ourselves crying in the middle of sex or having an emotional meltdown on a first date because, whoops, we weren’t ready for any of that yet. So yes, by all means, wallow. Cry your eyes out and eat your heart out, literally, with all the pizza and ice cream it takes. But also know that wallowing for too long can be just self-indulgent. Eventually, it goes from being therapeutic to being an excuse not to re-join the rest of the world. Let your pain out, but don’t prolong it and drag it out. Here are signs you’ve been wallowing for too long.

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Your home is a disaster zone

It looks like a tornado came through your home but the worst part is that you don’t even realize that. People have come over and been terrified, and you haven’t even known what they’re talking about. Pizza boxes make a great table—that’s just innovation.

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You’ve missed out on major world news

You’ve completely missed out on major world events. You had no idea that someone new had taken a seat in congress or that there had been a natural disaster across the country.

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You’ve missed out on your friend’s updates

You’ve been so caught up in your own misery that you didn’t even know that one friend…had her baby…filed for divorce…or moved! Apparently they emailed you or sent you something in the mail but you haven’t exactly been checking that stuff.

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Some people forgot your ex already

When you’ve brought your break up to some friends, they’ve already forgotten about that ex. They’ve asked how you are, and you’ve listed off ten memories with your ex that you’ve been upset about, and they’ve said, “Who?”

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Mean people are being nice

People who are notoriously cold and difficult to befriend in your life—maybe a coworker or a neighbor—have started to soften towards you. Your misery has even evoked compassion in these ice-cold individuals.

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Friends have stopped reaching out

Friends have stopped reaching out because they’re tired of hearing about the breakup. Your allotted time to monopolize conversations with your heartbreak has expired, but you’re still trying to do it anyways.

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The wallow is longer than the relationship

If you’ve been wallowing longer than you were with the person, then you’ve definitely been wallowing too long.

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People have forgotten why you’d be sad

When people ask how you are, you assume they mean “since the breakup” so you go into a long thing about that. And they respond, “Oh—right. I forgot about that.”

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Some people retract their sympathy

When you tell strangers at a bar or out on errands that you’re going through a breakup, they become very sympathetic. But then when they ask when the breakup happened, and you tell them, they obviously retract their sympathy—you should be over that by now.

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Your credit card company checked on you

Your credit card company has called to check on you due to inactivity. You haven’t been hitting any of your usual spots like happy hour or that cute boutique or yoga class.

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Your mom thinks you should move home

Your mom has suggested that you move home. It seems like you’ve lost control of your life and could use the support of mama and papa. You clearly cannot maintain things on your own.

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Friends suggest therapy

Like I said, your time to vent about it is over. But you’re still talking about it, which is why pretty much all of your friends have suggested you see a therapist. In fact, many have given you business cards for therapists they know.