Things your parents don’t need to know about your partner

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If you have an open dialogue with your parents and feel like you can share anything about your life with them, that’s wonderful. Very few people have that. But you have to remember that, ultimately, you really only have the right to share unlimited details about your life with your parents—details about your partner’s life are another story. Think about it: there are probably some things about you that you hope your boyfriend or husband never tells his parents. You certainly don’t expect him to lie to them, and you do want them to get to know you, but you believe in some tactful—um—editing of stories. Nobody understands you and your partner’s relationship as well as you and your partner, and some details can just confuse/concern your parents. Plus, some things just aren’t your details to share. Here are things your parents don’t need to know about your partner.

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His financial struggles

It’s important that your parents always believe that your partner is fully capable of not only supporting himself, but also possibly supporting you and your hypothetical or real children. So while you know everything will be fine, they may not feel as assured if they know about some of his temporary financial struggles.

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His sordid past

So maybe your partner was a bit of a player in the past. Maybe he has some stories worthy of a Penthouse full-length article. Maybe you are open-minded and unbothered by those stories, but your parents won’t be. Let them believe your partner was basically celibate before he met you. Who does that hurt?

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Those rowdy friends

Your partner may have some rowdy friends who are undeniably entertaining but also huge troublemakers. You know your partner has a handle on those friendships, and doesn’t let the wildest of his friends influence him (too much). But your parents will only question his judgment if they know about his friend who owns a strip club and has a side business investing in sex robots—ya know?

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How much he actually drinks

For some reason, the moment people turn 60, they seem to forget that they, too, threw back quite a few drinks when they were younger. They begin to think that two glasses of wine is a big deal and are shocked to see you drink four glasses. So, on that note, maybe don’t tell them your partner occasionally crushes a 12-pack of beer on a Friday. Your parents probably used to do that, too, but they don’t remember anymore.

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Youthful misdemeanors

So maybe your man got himself into a bit of trouble when he was younger for…indecent exposure…light theft…drinking on the streets. You know—young blood stuff. Plenty of men do those things in their twenties and grow up to make incredible fathers and husbands. But…your parents may not trust in that.

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Fights with his family

Your partner may seriously throw down with his family sometimes—as we all do. But your parents don’t need to know about those fights. Your parents should always see your partner as someone who has endless respect for his elders and family.

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Some bouts of depression

The moment your parents hear that your partner is struggling with a bout of depression, they’ll panic and worry his life is falling apart/he’s slacking in his duties/he’s bringing you down. How can they not worry about that? You’re their baby.

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Cleanliness concerns

Tease your partner all you want for wearing underwear two days in a row or leaving beer bottles on literally every surface of the apartment, but don’t vent about this stuff to your parents. They’ll think your partner has you living in filth.

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Irresponsible purchases

Everybody makes an irresponsible purchase from time to time. But you don’t need to tell your parents about the rare and uncommon times your partner mishandles money. You know that’s not who he is—but they’ll worry about your financial future with him.

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Health neglect

Men suck at going to the doctor. You know you have to push him to go using all sorts of methods. Don’t mention to your parents that your partner hasn’t had a checkup in three years—they’ll question what sort of parent he’ll be.

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His family’s dirty laundry

Nobody’s family is perfect. That, however, is a fact that your parents will forget if they ever hear any drama about your partner’s family. They want to believe you’ll be marrying into a perfect, flawless, always-happy family.

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His self-doubt

Someone who never doubts himself is called a narcissist or egotistical maniac. But, of course, if you tell your parents that your partner occasionally has self-doubt and worries about his future success, then they will worry about it all of the time. Keep your partner’s lapses of confidence between you two.

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The weird exes

So your man had some odd exes in the past—maybe one that lived on a nude commune. I don’t know. But something that would cause your parents to raise an eyebrow. They don’t need to know about these exes.

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Times you lent him money

If you’re in an established, long-term relationship with a man you trust who has proven to be responsible time and time again, it is okay to lend him a little money. But you may not want to tell your parents about it. There’s no way they’ll see it as a good thing.

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Career setbacks

Don’t let your parents know how drastic and stifling some of your partner’s career setbacks really are. They’ll take an inch of worry and run a mile with it. As far as they are concerned, everything should be, “No big deal.”