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Gettyimages.com/Women relaxing on urban rooftop

As someone who has been with my boyfriend for five years…and live with him…and have a dog with him…I naturally get the question, “When are you two going to get married?” a lot. My friends ask it with smiles on their faces and excitement in their eyes. They aren’t being judgmental (or trying to be). I know they just think it’s a fun topic but, for some reason, I’ve always been a bit…thrown by the question. I feel like a deer in the headlights. I don’t have an answer to their question, and I’m fine with not having an answer, but I can tell that they read into the fact that I don’t have an answer, so I just feel trapped. They created this situation by asking the question, and now all eyes are on me. I didn’t ask for this conversation and yet, suddenly, I’m in charge of it. I finally decided to break down and analyze why the question bothers me so much, and here it is. Dear friends; please stop asking when I’ll get married. Here’s why.

Gettyimages.com/Shot of an affectionate young couple bonding together outdoors smiling happy

We’re enjoying ourselves

We are enjoying this phase. We really are! We’re just soaking up this lovely time when we are in a really stable, established relationship. We’re so comfortable with each other, we’re best friends, and we’re having the time of our lives. We don’t feel like anything is missing. Can’t you see that?

Gettyimages.com/Happy couple dancing by sofa at home. Male and female are enjoying in living room. They are embracing each other.

It de-legitimizes us

It’s kind of a bummer when, after just telling someone how happy I am in my relationship, my friend asks, “So when are you getting married?” I just talked about all the ways my partner and I are close and involved and you just pointed out the one way we aren’t.

Gettyimages.com/Mixed race businesswoman checking mailbox

If I have a date, you’ll get the invite

Look, when we’re engaged, you’ll know. You’ll see the Facebook update and Instagram posts. You’ll get a phone call from me if we’re close. You’ll get the save the date in the mail. The information is coming eventually, so why push for it prematurely?

Gettyimages.com/A group of three international female friends laugh while enjoying wine at a bar outside.

There are other things to talk about

We could dive into a 45-minute discussion about hypotheticals and ifs and maybies, but I don’t have that much free time to catch up with a friend so when I do, I’d rather talk about the real, concrete updates in my life.