How not having a passion can ruin your life

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In my first couple of years out of college, all I could think about was finding a job and paying my bills. I was fixated on making a stable income, and making enough money to afford going out for dinner with friends and taking the occasional vacation. I was actually fortunate enough to wind up in a situation like that pretty quickly but then…depression set in. Why was I depressed? I had everything I (thought I) wanted: a cute apartment, a job with a somewhat impressive title, and good friends. But one day it struck me: I wasn’t passionate about my life. I wasn’t really developing something. I wasn’t chasing a dream. I was just putting in the hours at work, going home, having a nightcap while watching TV, and doing it all over again the next day. I’d meet great guys on dates, and I had wonderful friends but…I couldn’t derive joy from these relationships. Then I found my passion and I have to tell you—and I know this won’t be the same for everyone but—I’ve never really struggled with depression again. Passion is a powerful thing. Here is how not having a passion can ruin your life.

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You put pressure on your partner

You wind up putting a lot of pressure on your romantic partner to provide excitement in your life—whether that’s through always making plans to travel with you or always being available to pay attention to you. You direct this tremendous need for passion in your life all towards him. That’s too much pressure for a relationship.

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Life becomes monotonous

Every day will begin to feel pretty much exactly the same. If you aren’t passionate about what you do then your days feel monotonous. You just clock in and out. You finish those day’s tasks, and forget about them. You aren’t building towards something.

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You can’t appreciate other’s passions

When I led a passion-less life, I did something strange: I’d tune out when my friends spoke about their passion, or showed me their passion. I wouldn’t fully engage when, for example, watching a friend’s play or listening to a friend’s song. It’s because my subconscious was in pain watching people have something I didn’t have, so my brain wouldn’t allow me to fully take it all in.

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You can become jealous

I even found myself being a bit jealous of people who did have passion. It came out in petty ways, like me criticizing my creative friends with comments like, “Well, are you making any money doing that?” That was just my subconscious at work again, trying to make me believe that having a passion was actually bad because, well, I didn’t have one.

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You have nothing to share with friends

I grew distant from some friends during that passion-less period in my life. I didn’t know why but, looking back, now I do: our conversations fell flat. They’d give me all of these updates on things and projects they were excited about and then when they’d ask what was up with me I’d say, “Not much.” How is a friendship supposed to survive and grow like that?

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You can become depressed

Not having a passion can rapidly lead to depression. You just become this…biological thing. That’s all. You eat, you sleep, you do it all again the next day. But you really feel the clock ticking, and you struggle to see the meaning in life.

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You don’t respect other’s time

People who have a passion and are working on it tend to be highly organized and great at scheduling. They make the most of every minute of the day—having goals and tasks for every hour. So they’re very respectful of other peoples’ time and don’t, for example, flake out, or reschedule at the last minute, or simply forget to write a plan down. And then people who don’t have a passion, well, they tend to do all of those annoying things I just said.

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You can be too needy of others

It’s amazing how, when I had no passion in my life, I was painfully aware of how many days had passed since this friend called or that friend asked me to hang out. I was needy. But with passion in my life and something I’m working towards, I don’t notice or become fixated on little things like that.

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You’re lost if you lose your job

If you don’t have something you’re working on that you’re passionate about—even if you don’t make money doing it yet—then if you lose your paying job one day, you’ll feel lost. Having something you really care about has a way of keeping your spirits high in between jobs.

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You struggle to connect with people

As a way of protecting themselves from realizing the reality (that you have no passion) your mind and emotions begin to shut down. Feeling and understanding your problem is too painful, so you stop feeling or noticing as much as you used to. You go a bit numb, and then you struggle to connect with others.

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You attract others without passion

You’ll attract people who wind up depressing you—people who don’t have passion or ambition are attracted to other people like that. So you’ll keep attracting humans who are also a bit depressed and negative.

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And repel people with passion

Meanwhile, you’ll repel anyone with a passion. They can quickly spot someone who is just loafing around with no bigger goals or dreams, and they want nothing to do with that.

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When you retire, you’ll be lost

Work won’t always be there. When you retire, if you didn’t have something that makes you come alive, you’ll feel completely lost.

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You’ll be lethargic

Having a passion gives you energy. It gives you a reason to…attend events, go learn things, go on adventures, and more. Every activity is a possible way to grow your passion. When you don’t have one, though, you become lethargic. Nothing drives you to do, well, anything.

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Your brain won’t be as sharp

Working on something that you’re passionate about keeps your brain sharp. It typically forces you to think in ways you normally wouldn’t, so you can get closer to your goals. If you don’t have a passion, you may wind up just using the same parts of your brain over and over again.