Ways to be more independent in your relationship

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On Independence Day, maybe you can take the time to think about how being independent in other areas of your life could be good for you. Being independent doesn’t mean you don’t have, want, or enjoy relationships, but it means that you can be happy without them. If you only have friends or romantic relationships because you’re afraid to be alone then, you can’t ever genuinely enjoy any of those relationships. They don’t actually make you happy—they just alleviate fear. Those two things are not the same thing. Being independent is an amazing feeling. It means that just because someone cancels on you, or can’t go somewhere with you, or even leaves you, you can still feel happy and strong. On that note, here are ways to be more independent in your relationship.

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Go to the party without him

If someone invites both of you to do something, and your partner cant or doesn’t want to, you can still go. You don’t have to always be a package deal. If he doesn’t want to or can’t attend the party, and you can and you want to, then go! You’re a grown person who doesn’t need a chaperone.

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Watch your own thing

It’s okay, from time to time, to watch separate TV shows in separate rooms. You don’t have to find something to watch together every night. You know you have a show you’re dying to watch that isn’t his thing, and he probably has the same.

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Travel with friends

Go on the trips with your friends. You’ll make amazing memories. Girl’s trips are so good for you. In fact, they make you feel more independent and strong when you get back. Don’t panic at the thought of being apart from your partner for three days. It won’t kill you.

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Travel alone

Heck, you should even travel alone sometimes. Take that solo road trip. Tell your partner you’d like to visit your family alone this time. Solo travel is a great way to reconnect with who you are as an individual.

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Have your own hobbies

Don’t let go of your own hobbies, even if your partner has no interest in them. Don’t make less room or space for them. They’re a part of who you are and they bring you a lot of joy. Keep them up. Treat them like a standing appointment.

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Loosen up on scheduling

Hey, it’s alright if you aren’t home when your partner gets home. If you’re out having fun with your friends, you don’t need to aim to be home when your partner gets home from his guys’ night. Go home when you feel good and ready.

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Hold up your obligations to your friends

Don’t let your relationship make you any less of a friend. You should always be reliable. You shouldn’t cancel on friends because suddenly your partner’s plans fell through for the night and he’ll be alone. He’s a grown man—he can entertain himself.

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Recognize when it’s a girls’ night

If your girls want a girls’ night, don’t push to turn it into a couples’ night. Don’t ask if you can bring your guy. They’ll say sure, but they won’t like it. If they wanted it to be a couples’ night they would have said so.

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Don’t indulge jealousy/paranoia/clinginess

If your partner is a little jealous, paranoid, or clingy, tell him he’s being those things. Don’t change your behavior and enable his bad behavior. Call him out when he’s being absurd.

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Have male friends

Having male friends is amazing! It’s enriching! It adds so much to life. Don’t let those relationships slip just because you’re in a romantic relationship.

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Let your career compete with your relationship

Make sure your career doesn’t slip due to your relationship. A good partner will want you to take on that project/go to that networking event/do that thing that will move your career forward. Just find balance.

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Don’t rely on it for all your happiness

Don’t look to your relationship for all of your happiness in life. That’s not healthy, that’s not sustainable, and that’s not fair on your partner. Make sure you have tons of other sources of joy. Cultivate and nurture them.

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Never stop learning

Never stop learning. Take classes. Attend lectures. Read. Knowledge is empowering and helps you feel stronger and more capable, with or without a partner.

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Celebrate you

Celebrate yourself. Don’t only rely on your partner for that. Post fun selfies. Meditate. Go to exercise classes. Post videos online doing what you love.