Unexpected Ways Marrying A Much Older Man Affects You

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Age gap marriages are incredibly common. In fact, all of my closest female friends are with a man between five to seven years older than them. My own partner is five years older than myself. But, at the end of the day, five years isn’t really a difference we feel. In fact, the longer we’ve been together, the smaller the gap has felt. Unfortunately, that’s apparently not the case for couples with large age gaps. Studies have found that pairs with significant age differences feel that the gap only becomes larger, and creates more distance between them, over time. That’s certainly not to say that a major age gap marriage cannot work but, if you’re entering into one, it’s important to be aware of some hurdles you’ll face, so the mere shock of them doesn’t tear you apart. Here are the surprising ways marrying a man at least a decade older than you affects your life.

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There may be no in-laws

A man in his 50s may have already lost both of his parents, so you may not necessarily have the experience of marrying into a whole new family and expanding your network of parents.

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His relationship with your parents is odd

As for your partner’s relationship with your parents, well, it can be an odd one. If your partner is a decade to two decades older than yourself, there may be very little age difference between him and your parents. So, expecting him to treat them like parental figures or authorities may not be realistic. They could seem more like peers.

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You may be a nurse sooner than you thought

You won’t necessarily be launched into taking care of a bedridden individual, but your partner may start treating some chronic health issues while you’re still in perfectly good health. So, you might be helping with things like reminding him about daily prescriptions and learning how to use a few medical devices earlier than you thought you would.

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You may be managing assets/estates early

If your partner is substantially older than yourself, then he likely already has several assets between property and various investments. You might be launched into helping him manage these, when you’re not even quite sure what they are or how they work yet.

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People make the dad jokes

You’ll always face people who make jokes about you having “daddy issues” or who even suggest you have some unresolved trauma and that’s why you’re with an older man.

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Your authority as a stepparent is questioned

If your partner has children from a previous relationship, they may struggle to see you as a parent, especially if you’re barely a decade older than they are.

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Planning the future is different

Planning your future together is a bit complicated. Your partner may retire when you’re at the peak of your career. For that reason, he may want to move to a quieter area when you still need to be in a big city for work. There will be several issues like this that come up.

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He’ll have more history

Your partner will inevitably have much more romantic history than you. He may have had several serious relationships with women he lived with, married, started businesses with, and even had children with. You’ll have to be a very secure person to live with all these ghosts.

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Couples friends are hard to come by

Making and maintaining couples friends can be tricky. While your good friends and their partners make an effort to spend time with you and your older partner, the reality is that, your friends’ partners may feel like they’re taking one for the team. In all likelihood, they probably don’t click with your partner—who is a decade or two older than them—the way they do with men their own age.

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Your friends’ partners seem so immature

When you’ve experienced a much older partner, the partners of your friends can seem very immature at times. But, you have to remember not to belittle your friends’ relationships—you are, after all, the one in the non-traditional situation.

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Yes, you’ll get weird looks

You’ll always face some weird looks and you’ll never get used to it. Sometimes, you won’t know why a server or TSA personnel is looking at you and your partner so strangely, and then you’ll remember it’s probably the age gap.

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Your child will have a grandpa for a dad

If you have children with this man, there may be times when people mistake him for the child’s grandfather. On that note, if he has older children from a previous relationship, he may actually be a grandfather. His grandchildren, and your children, may be around the same age.

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Or, you may not have children

You may also have to say goodbye to the idea of having children. A significantly older partner may have already had all the children he wants by the time you meet him.

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Sometimes, your social and love life are separate

Sometimes, your social life and your love life can feel very separate. Your friends often do things that your partner just doesn’t want to do, so you have to choose between seeing your friends and spending time with your partner.

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You’re more appreciative of time together

Since you see age catch up to your partner sooner than it does to you, you do think more about the passing of time and how precious life is. But it’s a good thing because you really value your time together. No couple—regardless of an age gap—is promised any number of years or decades together. You’re just grateful for what you get.

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How marrying a much older man affects your life