Ways to get your man to be more body positive

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Women aren’t the only ones who struggle with body positivity. That’s something I learned after living with my boyfriend for a couple of years. I’ve caught him in the bathroom, grabbing his tummy, lifting it up, letting it down, and sighing (or making weird sounds that I imagine represent how he feels about his stomach). It made me so sad because, I think he is literally the cutest, sexiest, most attractive person in the world! To me, he just has a magnetism about him. No extra ten pounds or receding hairline could ever change that for me. And as I say it, I realize I’m a hypocrite because, well, I often worry that if I so much as gain five pounds he’ll find me less attractive. But, we’re all usually harder on ourselves than we are on other people. So, for men’s health month, here are ways to get your man to be more body positive about himself, other men, and other women.

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Ask how he’d feel if someone said that about you

When your partner makes a comment about how another woman has put on some weight or let herself go, ask him how he’d feel if somebody said that about you. He’ll quickly realize how hurtful the comment is.

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Or if they said it about his mom

Another way to get a man to think about the way he talks about women is to ask him how he’d feel if someone said what he just said about his mother. It will quickly change is perspective and remind him that many women are somebody’s mother.

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Ask if he’d say that to a friend

When it comes to being critical of his own image, or of another man (perhaps one he doesn’t really know) ask him if he would ever say that to a male friend. If he thinks it would hurt his best friend, then why wouldn’t it be hurtful to some other male he doesn’t know as well?

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List his favorite traits every day

Get your partner to list his favorite traits about himself every day. It might make him feel silly at first but he’ll get the hang of it. You could both make a habit of doing this every day.

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Reframe nontraditional beauty in women

When talking about women who have traits that don’t quite fit traditional beauty standards, reframe them. Don’t talk about how a mother’s breasts are sagging: talk about how they fed and helped grow a healthy baby.

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Have a no self-sh*t-talking rule in the house

Have a rule that nobody is allowed to talk badly about themselves in the house. You could extend it to a rule stating you can’t talk badly about the appearance of others, either.

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Have a bad self-talk jar

You could go so far as to have a jar in the house and, any time someone says something bad about their own appearance or someone else’s, they have to put money in the jar.

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Be aware of scale anxiety

Be aware of scale anxiety. Do you have it? You could be passing it onto your partner. Does your partner have it? Maybe you should ditch the scale. If either of you weigh yourself every day or even several times a day, you’ve probably developed an unhealthy relationship with the scale.

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Compliment each other

Complement each other several times a day. If you think something nice—even if it seems small or random—say it. Cultivate an environment in which you both feel recognized and appreciated constantly.

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Focus on function, not form

Don’t talk about arms as flabby or skinny or loose or toned. Talk about them as great at…pulling off that one position you both love in bed. Or something a little more fun and positive—just focus on the things your bodies can do, rather than the way they look.

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Diversify the types of shows you watch

Think about the shows you watch—do they always depict perfectly toned individuals with plastic surgery and liposuction? Do you only receive magazines depicting fitness gurus and models? Maybe change the media up in your home.

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Celebrate your exercise goals

Celebrate your exercise goals, not the physical results they yielded. If you planned to run X amount of miles or clock so many hours of yoga that month and you did it, you both deserve to celebrate it.

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Make goals that aren’t about appearance

Set goals that have nothing to do with appearance. Maybe the goals can be finishing that one ambitious hike without having to stop in the middle or having sex three times in a day without getting winded.

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Never let him compare

Don’t let your partner compare himself to other men. When he does that, tell him that the act of comparing is unattractive—emphasize that it’s that that’s unattractive, and not whatever physical attributes he’s criticizing.

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Keep an eye on those gym rat friends

I’m not saying you should tell your partner not to hang out with those friends who are obsessed with protein shakes, supplements, leg day, juicing but…just make sure they don’t get too in his head.