Ways Threesomes Can Backfire

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Humans tend to fall into two camps when it comes to what sort of romantic relationship is “natural.” There are those who believe we were built to be monogamous, and those who believe we were not. But I’ve never met anyone who believed that trios were the natural state for human sexuality, and understandably so—three people together can be messy and complicated. It’s almost monogamy, but it isn’t. It’s almost polyamory, but it isn’t. Anyone who dabbles in threesomes—or makes a regular date of them—knows that there are many ways they can go wrong if you don’t plan and communicate. And there might be nothing more awkward in the world than a botched threesome. They can ruin relationships and friendships (and reputations). Here are ways threesomes can terribly backfire.

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You wind up working with this person

It’s just a stranger at a bar, or from an app, when the threesome occurs. But fast forward a few months and it’s the new hire at your office. Or the new boss at your office.

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Or knowing their future significant other

Sometimes, what was just a person you had a one-night threesome with and planned to forget about becomes the new girlfriend to whom your good buddy is introducing you. How do you break that news to him…

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They won’t leave after

If you’re a couple who invites a third in, sometimes the third doesn’t quite understand that they aren’t invited to the post-sex shower, or meal. Or to sleep there.

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Somebody feels left out

If you don’t pay close attention, it’s easy to leave someone feeling excluded in a threesome. Somebody should always at least have a hand on them or else somebody might just walk out.

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Your partner wants a repeat, with that person

If you’re a couple who invites in a third person, there’s often the understanding that it’s a one-time thing. So if your partner wants a repeat with the same person, that can begin to feel more emotional than physical.

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Condom sloppiness

It is so important to be very aware of when it’s time to switch condoms. Sticking to female condoms can eliminate some of the confusion and risk of exposure.

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A gender attendance misunderstanding

So you and your partner agree to have a threesome. You invite the third person. Oh, he thought it would be another woman. You thought this would be another man. Nobody is happy now.

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They move in on your street

Sometimes you just don’t ever want to see the person you had a threeway with again. But that becomes impossible when you somehow wind up neighbors one day.

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Your kids go to the same school

Often, people want to keep their identities rather anonymous in threesomes. A few details are exchanged, but that’s it. Of course, it’s hard to stay anonymous if you attend your first PTA meeting at your child’s school and find the person with whom you had a threesome there.

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They thought this was paid

Many paid sex workers get hired to do couples. So, if you find a woman who looks too good to be true, sitting alone at a hookup establishment, almost as if she’s waiting to be picked up…just make sure she isn’t expecting to be paid.

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Not setting ground rules

If you don’t set ground rules, someone is bound to have their feelings hurt. Will there be intercourse? Kissing? Between who? Who is that off limits for? You need to cover these things in advance. Don’t expect people to just know.

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It’s a fourway

So, you meet someone, and ask if they’re into threesomes. They say yes. You arrange a time and place to meet up. They thought you knew that they were in a relationship, and would be the couple. You thought they knew the same thing about you. And now you have four people.

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Attempting a surprise threesome

Never, ever surprise a partner with a threesome. Even if he’s stated that he’d be interested in one, he still probably isn’t ready for a surprise one. And you should both have say in whom the third person is.

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Someone regrets it, halfway through

Sometimes, somebody looks around, halfway into the threesome, and realizes this is a horrible night. Then you have one person crying in the bathroom, demanding you go to couples counseling.

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Someone didn’t know this was sexual

You may think that, with all the heavy implications, the friend you’ve invited over knows this is going to be a sexual night. But some people just don’t get it, and think they’re coming over for an innocent dinner.

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Ways threesomes can terribly backfire