The fallout of taking back your ex-spouse
The Fallout That Happens When You Take Back Your Ex-Husband
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Remarrying one’s ex-husband isn’t just something eccentric celebrities like Elizabeth Taylor do. Completely ordinary (well, that’s up for debate) individuals are doing it. Can you imagine going through the heartache of deciding to separate from somebody, then going through the turmoil of divorce lawyers and the separating of assets, then going through the roller coaster or being a divorcee…all to remarry the same person who put you through all of that? Well, it’s happening out there. I guess some people just figure if someone was good enough to marry once, then they’re good enough to marry twice. The trouble is that, when a couple gets divorced, it’s not just the ex-spouses who are affected—it takes a whole village to get someone through a split and that village can be pretty upset if the split pair get back together. Here is the fallout that occurs when you take back your ex-spouse.
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Friends who took you in feel abused
When you first separated, you may have moved in with friends or family—just until you found a new home for yourself. These friends were inconvenienced, but happy to be able to help you. But, they were, in fact, inconvenienced. They did extra laundry for you, they fed you, and spent night after night, week after week helping you through depression. They will feel abused to find you get back with the ex.
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The relationship with your parents changes
You can’t expect the relationship between your once-ex-now-new-husband and your parents to ever be the same again. Oh, or the relationship between your spouse and your siblings to ever be the same again. They built up emotional walls regarding this person, and it can take decades to take those walls down.
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People said things they can’t take back
People tend to believe divorce is pretty final. So, some friends and family may have said some nasty things about your ex when they believed he would remain an ex. They can feel you betrayed their trust by making them feel safe to confide those opinions in you, only to take the ex back.
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Friends wasted setups on you
Some friends probably wasted valuable setups on you. They introduced you to the best bachelors they know. Now, they have to explain to those bachelors—who’ve been wondering why you didn’t call—that you’re back with your ex-husband. And those bachelors get a little annoyed with your friends for arranging such a pointless setup.
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Gettyimages.com/Multi-ethnic young womens covering eyes, ears and mouth
Couples friendships are rocky
You had a great network of couples friends but, that fell apart when you were divorced. People took sides. People drifted away, because they didn’t want to be friends with divorced couples. Trying to get back your network of couples friends is like trying to build Frankenstein.
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Gettyimages.com/Young woman lying on couch, therapist leaning toward her with hands clasped, cropped
Try explaining it to your therapist
If you have been seeing a therapist this entire time, she probably will not be thrilled with this decision. In fact, she might decide it’s time for you to choose a new therapist.
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If you wrote about it…explain it to your readers
It’s not uncommon for divorcees to use their experiences to get a bit creative. Maybe you started a blog, social media platform, or column about being a divorcee. People grew to admire you based on your experiences as a divorcee. You’ll lose that following and those fans if you get back with your ex-spouse.
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The divorcee club rejects you
You probably collected a friend group of other divorcees—you needed each other. And they would have been happy for you if you’d met a new man. But if you get back with your ex-spouse—the one who drove you to this group in the first place—you lose that group of friends. They just struggle to respect you.
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It’s confusing on your children
If you had children with this ex, this process can be incredibly confusing for them. It’s crucial that you put them in counseling. Having parents divorce is already traumatizing enough—having them get back together can be extremely damaging.
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Gettyimages.com/Sad senior woman
Friends and family feel lied to
Friends and family feel like you lied to them. They feel like, to their faces, you acted like you were over the ex and taking steps to get away from the ex but behind their backs, you were moving towards the ex.
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And their advice feels spurned
If anyone gave you advice and council, they feel insulted. They feel like they wasted their breath, and their hard-earned wisdom on you. Were you even listening? Do you ever listen when they speak?
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The second wedding is sparsely attended
Good luck getting guests to a second wedding to the same person. By divorcing him, you sort of already proved that this pairing isn’t a great one. So people are very hesitant to celebrate it/buy plane tickets/buy gifts for it. Again.
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Gettyimages.com/Unhappy Black woman sitting on sofa
His family struggles to re-accept you
Your ex’s family struggles to re-accept you. They also spent a lot of energy and resources on helping him get over you. They heard unflattering stories about you. They can’t just welcome you back as if nothing happened.
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Gettyimages.com/African man pointing remote control at annoyed girlfriend
You’re never allowed to complain again
You are literally never allowed to complain about this once-ex-now-again-husband ever again. People just won’t hear it. In fact, they’ll look at you with disdain if you try to bring up even the smallest upset about your marriage.
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Gettyimages.com/African American woman covering face with hands
You stop being a role model
Some people saw you as a role model for being this strong divorcee who was moving on with her life, and opening a new chapter. They don’t see you that way anymore.
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