Early Signs A Man Will Disrespect Your Boundaries

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I wish this weren’t true, but I went out with a few guys back when I was single who tested my boundaries. I had to be physically forceful with a few to get them to leave me alone, and went home feeling rather shaken up. Nobody ever became violent with me, but there were times when guys wouldn’t take “No” as an answer. They didn’t think I was being serious. Or, their urge to do what they wanted overpowered any empathy or care for what I was feeling. And that is never okay. Even though all I wanted to do was remove those experiences from my memory and never look back, I realized that if I were willing to reflect on those dates and those men, I might be able to pick up on patterns, and learn to recognize men who might act like that earlier next time. So, for women everywhere, here are important signs a man will disrespect your boundaries later.

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They push you to tell stories

If you allude to a story that is sexual in nature, or promiscuous in some way, that doesn’t mean you want to tell the full story. But if your date pressures you to tell the story, won’t accept that you don’t want to tell the story, and even makes you feel guilty for not telling it, he doesn’t care about keeping you feeling comfortable and safe.

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They speak badly of an ex

Men who speak angrily and disrespectfully about their exes tend not to respect women in general. No matter how bad an ex may have been, a man who respects women and is emotionally mature will say, “That was a tough relationship” and leave it at that. But a man with anger issues toward women will become graphic and aggressive in his description of his ex’s bad behavior. In my experience, a man who is willing to say awful, degrading things about one woman is willing to say them about any woman.

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They criticize another woman’s outfit

Sometimes these guys would say something about another woman we saw being dressed like a, well, words I’d rather not say. But essentially, they believed these women were dressed too promiscuously, and tried to compliment me for not dressing that way. But typically, men who criticize women for showing off their bodies are men who do not respect women and have a rigid idea of how women “should” be. They don’t believe women who behave outside of those bounds deserve respect.

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They’re condescending to your server

Across the board I’ve found this to be true: men who are disrespectful to wait staff are just disrespectful in general. Being rude to someone serving you at a restaurant is a sign of liking to assert power over people one perceives to be “lower” than him. And it shows a total lack of empathy or patience.

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They aren’t listening

Some men just clearly weren’t listening when I tried to talk about my career, my passions, my hobbies, my friends, and really anything that wasn’t blatantly sexual or flirtatious. They wanted to make it clear that my mind and experiences were not what they were interested in.

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They cheated on their ex

Some men admit that they cheat on their ex, and clearly feel terrible. They talk about having learned a lot and grown since then. Those guys can be alright. But then there are men who vaguely allude to having “strayed” or “not totally committed” to the last person—they won’t call it cheating, but they clearly cheated, and they even talk about it with a sly grin on their face as if they’re proud of it. These are not good guys.

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They mention your appearance a lot

One or two subtle compliments about my appearance are fine. But then there were guys who took every opportunity they could to make an innuendo, and say something about my body and looks. They often were the same guys who wouldn’t take my hints that I didn’t want them touching me.

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They order for you

When a man orders for you, and even goes so far as to cut you off when you try to order for yourself, he probably has some control issues. And when a man has control issues, well, he doesn’t get very happy when he doesn’t get what he wants.

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They’re rude about your being late

So sometimes I was a little bit late to dates. Normal people get it. But some men would make no effort to cover up their anger. In fact, they’d mention my tardiness several times, and not in a funny or cute way. These guys didn’t have patience and men who aren’t patient can also be impatient when you say you aren’t ready to get physical.

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They won’t let it go if someone spills on them

If someone spills on a guy, or bumps into a guy, and it’s clearly an accident, he should let it go. But the men who really won’t—who demand an apology or even get aggressive with the offender—they tend to have anger issues that extend to women.

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He drinks too much

In my experience, there are two reasons men drink too much on dates: 1) They’re just nervous, and that I can understand and 2) They’re just alcoholics. No man who isn’t nervous or an alcoholic would willingly and knowingly get too sloshed on a first date. And, unfortunately, men who get too drunk tend to disrespect boundaries.

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They mention their money a lot

I’ve never met a man who mentioned his high income and was likeable. I’ve also found that men who go out of their way to let you know how wealthy they are do so because they believe women only care about money because they do not think highly of women. Or, they’re just used to paying for what they want, and always getting it due to their money.

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They speak negatively about feminists

Run far away if your date says something about a woman being a “Feminist nazi” or any other offensive term pertaining to her being a feminist. These men hope that you don’t respect women and, as a result, don’t respect yourself.

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They get a thrill out of making you uncomfortable

Beware of men who seem to find it funny when they do or say something that clearly makes you uncomfortable. A good man would never knowingly make you uncomfortable and if he accidentally did, he wouldn’t laugh or take thrill in it—he’d apologize and try to fix things right away.

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They are disgruntled about bad luck in dating

If a guy is extremely negative in his stories about his dating experiences, and has only ugly, cynical things to say about dating at large and single women, he likely has anger issues. Well-adjusted individuals don’t blame the world for their problems—they understand they have to look within and make changes on their end if they’re going to be happy. And men who don’t think like that tend to have a short fuse.

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Signs a man will disrespect your boundaries later