Taking care of a man who won't take care of himself

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When I leave town for the weekend, and come home to find my boyfriend’s and my apartment in the condition he leaves it in—and his health in the condition he leaves it in—I get a sneak peek into what his life would be like without me. And, it’s not good. Let’s just say that it’s a miracle we met when he did because his body couldn’t have survived some of his old habits for long. Luckily, I’ve encouraged him to quit some of his bad habits (or at least reduce them), pick up some healthy habits, and be more aware of his health. Women are just better at looking out for their health. In fact, several studies and surveys have found that women are more likely to report symptoms to their doctors, and just see their general physician on a regular basis. I’m trying to pass these habits onto my partner, and if you’re doing the same, then you know the struggles of taking care of the health of a partner who won’t take care of himself.

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You learn terrible symptoms they ignore

My boyfriend once confided in me that, for about five years, when he had gone to the bathroom, he has mostly had the runs. MOSTLY. That makes up the majority of his bowel movements. And he just didn’t think this was a problem. Every so often I learn about another symptom that he’s just been ignoring for years.

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So then they hide symptoms from you

After the way I reacted to his story about his bathroom habits, my boyfriend has started to try to hide symptoms from me. So, for example, if he’s in the bathroom for a long time with the door locked he insists he’s just shaving his private parts. Mmmhm. Sure.

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You wait on hold with their doctor

If my boyfriend has to wait on hold with his doctor’s office for even thirty seconds, he gives up. So I have to get the number and wait on hold for him—just to get him to speak to his doctor.

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You worry when you leave town

When I leave town, I know he’s going to eat all the foods that cause him an upset stomach, drink an obscene amount, not sleep enough, and do all sorts of things I’d rather not know about.

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They consult their friends; not doctors

My boyfriend seems to think that his friends are doctors. They are not. So he shouldn’t be asking them to look at his rashes or give an opinion on his cough. And, of course, they all do this after four beers.

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You find evidence in the trashcan

I may or may not sometimes sift through the trash to see if he’s been eating that food I told him not to eat that has a bad chemical in it, or to see if he’s been downing Pepto Bismol bottles to counteract some bad habits.

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You have to force them to rest

I have to find pockets in my partner’s schedule for him to sleep. He doesn’t even think about it. He’ll say yes to a 11pm show invitation, and I’ll have to remind him that the next day, he’s getting up at 8am to help his friend move and going straight from that to a birthday party and getting up the next morning early to pick up his mom from the airport. If I don’t insist he finds some extra sleep somewhere, he never would.

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You don’t even want to know about boy’s trips

When he goes on a trip with his buddies, I’d rather just not know what’s going on. I’m sure there is a lot of fried food, tobacco, and whiskey going on, and very little sleep or vegetables.

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You give him a list of questions to ask his doctor

I have to send my boyfriend to the doctor with a list of questions to ask her. I am more aware of the things he should discuss with his doctor about his health than he is.

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You try to go with him to the doctor

Of course, he comes back from the doctor and hasn’t asked her half the questions I told her to ask him. So the next time he goes to the doctor, I insist on going with him. He doesn’t have a choice in the matter.

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You edit all his menu suggestions

When my boyfriend and I try to decide what to make for dinner, I first let him pitch his idea, and then I have to seriously edit it for health points. So he wants to make cheese-loaded steak nachos, and I suggest shredded chicken tacos with guacamole.

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Most of your food looks foreign to him

Chia seeds, probiotic yogurt, kale chips, tempeh—there are just a handful of the items I’ve eaten that have caused my boyfriend to hover over me and stare at my plate as if I was eating a science experiment.

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You try to take over the grocery shopping

I try to just handle the grocery shopping in our home. It’s better that way. When he says he’ll shop for the house, I gently suggest it would be more fun to go together. And then I follow him around the store, knocking packaged chips and pastries out of his hands.

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You try to use scare tactics

I try to scare my partner into making healthier decisions. I’ll send him statistics on how many men die every year from this or that condition, or tell him horror stories of some friend’s cousin’s husband who dropped dead from something bizarre.

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You get very mad sometimes

Sometimes I get downright angry with my boyfriend. If he doesn’t take care of his health, then he could leave me alone on this planet much earlier than anticipated. Really, not taking care of himself is just selfish.