What it’s like to call off a wedding the day of

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I have never personally called off a wedding the day of—I’ve never even been engaged. But, believe it or not, I’ve known a few women who have. I’m also friends with a couple of wedding planners who say it happens more than you’d believe. In fact, it’s the top reason many vendors give for demanding a deposit. They aren’t so worried that a death in the family will mean the whole thing gets postponed: they’re worried that the couple simply won’t make it down the aisle. Planning a wedding is actually the ultimate test of a relationship. Planning a wedding involves dealing with finances, dealing with one another’s families, and making a dozen decisions together every day. The process can be a make or break one for couples, which is why the event that should bring a pair closer together can actually drive them apart—forever. So, in case you were wondering, here is what it’s like to call off a wedding the day of.

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Some people suggest you just get a divorce

Some people pull you aside and say, “Look, everyone is already here. You may as well just go through with it, and get it annulled or get a divorce. Let everyone be happy. They don’t need to know this happened today.”

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Like, people who you thought loved you

Actually, you may be surprised by who says the “Just get a divorce” thing. It may be your friends who you thought always had your back, and would have told you to do what’s in your heart.

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A few people aren’t surprised at all

A few people step forward and say, “I was wondering when this would happen already” or “I already ordered you a cab that’s been on standby for an hour.” Don’t forget that some friends and family know you better than you know yourself.

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Whoever paid may want their money back

If your fiance’s parent’s paid, and you are the one calling off the wedding, they may demand that either you or your parents pay them back. People don’t take to losing tens of thousands of dollars kindly.

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Some people traveled from afar

You’ll face a few very angry guests who spent a lot of money on plane tickets and hotels to be here. Then, you’ll have some saints who say they’re glad they made the trip either way, and will just see the sites instead.

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The travelers may want their money back

But, as for the unhappy travelers, don’t be surprised if some of them demand to be compensated. Sometimes, calling off a wedding even triggers some lawsuits—again, people really don’t like throwing away money.

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Some took off work/missed events for this

Some people took time off of work or passed up on other special events to be here. You may receive some angry notes from them.

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You realize it was a long time coming

All of the days and months leading up to the wedding come flooding to your mind with vivid detail and you realize this train left the tracks a long time ago. You feel so dumb that you didn’t realize it months ago. Or years ago.

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You even realize the wedding was just a bandaid

In fact, you realize the feelings you had around getting engaged weren’t healthy. You didn’t feel joy. You didn’t feel light and easy. You felt like you’d escaped a bullet or something like that—that’s because the engagement was just used to try to fix a broken relationship.

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People think it’s a prank

Many people insist and insist that this must be a prank. Some friends barge into your dressing room to laugh and say the prank is hilarious, only to awkwardly find you crying all your expensive makeup off.

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A few friends suggest you can work it out

Again, here come the people who you thought wanted you to be happy, suggesting that you try to stay with a fiancé you’re clearly not happy with. But remember that those people probably settled in unhappy marriages themselves.

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Whoever makes the announcement—you owe them big time

Somebody has to tell everybody. And nobody wants that job. Whoever does it—you owe them big time. Like, you may need to give them your firstborn child.

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Your parents don’t want to pay for the next one

If your parents paid for this one, they will probably tell you that that’s it—that was the only one you got. If you do get married in the future, you’ll need to fund that out of pocket.

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You feel terrible. Just terrible.

You feel terrible. You realize that your emotional immaturity or weakness cost people you love hundreds or thousands of dollars. You realize that you treated marriage like a game, and you realize you could probably use some therapy.