Are you the friend in the group who just can’t grow up?

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The wild card, the loose cannon, the life of the party, the unpredictable one…these are all flattering things to be called when you’re younger. Who doesn’t want a friend who tends to mix things up, add excitement where there was none, and with whom you never quite know what might happen next when they’re young? That’s what being young is all about. It’s about making mistakes, shrugging off responsibilities, and being spontaneous. But those qualities only remain quirky and lovable for so long. If you’re still hanging onto those in your late thirties and beyond, you may have ceased to be an entertaining joy to your friends and you may have just become a worrisome burden. Most people can’t get away with being irresponsible and spontaneous forever, but if you somehow have…your grownup friends are probably a little sick of it. So, are you the friend in the group who just can’t grow up?

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You bail because you’re hungover

You’ve bailed on plans because you were too hungover. That may have been okay in college but, now that your friends are adults with busy schedules, they probably worked you into their calendars and are thinking, “Why did you drink so much last night if you knew we had plans today? I skipped a conference/rescheduled an appointment for this.”

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Or you bail because you don’t keep a calendar

Maybe you’ve bailed on people a lot because you simply forgot you had those plans. Or, you forgot you had previously made other plans during the same time slot. Either way, “Oh my gosh I totally forgot…” is not an acceptable excuse when you’re an adult. It’s up to you to keep a calendar so you don’t mess up other people’s plans.

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You’ve lost track of time due to champagne

You’ve run rudely late to events, or missed them entirely, because you got too drunk. Someone just kept buying you shots, and you figured your friends would understand that you couldn’t pass up free drinks. But they don’t understand—it was very hard for them to get that dinner reservation, and now you lost it for all of you.

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Nobody trusts you with their kids

None of your friends with children have ever asked you to babysit. And, if you think about it, they have asked the other friends in the group. Furthermore, you’ve gone out of your way to say that you would like to babysit, and they came up with some excuse as to why that wouldn’t work out.

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Nobody even trusts you with their pets

Come to think of it, nobody even trusts you with their pets. You’ve had friends ask every other friend but you, and if nobody could do it, they just hired a pet sitter or boarded their dog rather than ask you.

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Nobody criticizes/blames your exes

People don’t really have your back anymore when you talk sh*t about the guys you break up with. In fact, it seems like they kind of think your ex had a point. When you tell the breakup story and end it with, “I mean—can you believe that?!” your friends say, “I kind of can believe that…”

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You’ve heard, “You talk too much about yourself”

You’ve been given the note that you talk too much about yourself. Look: maybe in our early twenties it’s still fun and cute to talk over each other and just self-indulge in our own stories. But when you grow up, you should learn to be a better listener, ask questions, and wait your turn to speak. You should learn that you’re not the most interesting person in the room.

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Friends don’t ask for your advice

Friends don’t ask for your advice on…anything. Not career stuff. Not their family feuds. Not their relationship problems. Not their money troubles. But you have got wind of the fact that they ask each other—just not you.

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You aren’t invited to serious or formal events

Your invitation to serious events—like baptisms or memorial services—seem to have gotten lost in the mail a lot. Or, perhaps people just can’t trust you to compose yourself and treat these events with the respect they deserve.

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You’ve ruined several events by getting too drunk

You’ve ruined not one but several events by getting too drunk. There comes a point when you either need to learn to handle your liquor, or admit that you can’t handle your liquor and stop drinking so you stop ruining other people’s evenings.

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You get along best with younger people

If you think about it, you’d say the friends who understand you the best are younger than you. Uh oh…

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Nobody’s on board with your scheme

In college, your friends were on board with your scheme to crash this wedding, sneak into first class on the plane, and so on. But now, they just look irritated and exhausted when you push these schemes.

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People get out of being your reference

You can’t seem to get your friends to be your references for jobs. But, could it be because you throw tantrums at work, don’t show up to work because you’re hungover, and have had a bad attitude at your past jobs?

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Nobody will lend you money

None of your friends will lend you money. They have valid excuses not to do so but, if you pay attention, you realize they’ve lent other friends money.