Why being broke is good for your relationship

Gettyimages.com/A young couple sitting on a porch step surrounded by moving boxes. They are taking a break from moving into their new home, drinking a bottle of soda or beer. The man is African American and the woman is mixed race black and Caucasian.

During my single years, I dated all sorts of guys—I’m talking different personalities, professions, backgrounds, religions, physical appearances, and more. But one of the most interesting dynamics for me to observe was how dating wealthy versus not-so-wealthy (and even broke) men was different. The truth is that, I never felt very comfortable when a man would spend a lot of money on our first couple of dates. I wouldn’t necessarily say that they were trying to buy my affection, but what I will say is that, money and nice things create a sense of excitement and that excitement can be…confusing. It can create a false sense of excitement for the person, when really, you’re just excited to be having the private chef’s dinner at one of the most exclusive restaurants in the city, on a rooftop. I’ve now been with a boyfriend for over five years and we were, for the better part of the start of that, broke. I think it was good for our relationship, though. Here is why your relationship may have a better chance if you start out broke.

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You’ll need to get along in a small apartment

If you live together, you’ll likely share a small space. And if you can get along when you share a small space, you can probably get along under most circumstances. I mean…anyone can get along in a mansion. It takes a strong couple to be happy in a studio apartment.

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You have to make it work with odd schedules

When you’re broke, you usually need to work lots of jobs, during all sorts of hours. Your relationship will definitely be put to the test when one person is waking up at four am and the other is working until two am. But if you make time for each other under those circumstances, you must really love each other.

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You can’t soothe fights over financially

A lot of wealthy couples don’t face their fights—they just jet off to a resort and somehow believe that will make things better. When you’re broke, you don’t have that luxury. You have to stay home, in your little apartment, and work things out. You can’t try to fix things with a couple’s spa day.

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You’ll have to get along under stress

Being broke can, naturally, be stressful. And it’s important to see how you do as a couple when you’re facing stress. Some people would say that you only really see someone’s true colors when they’re stressed out.

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You love each other for who you are

You’ll know you love each other for who you are—not due to status, money, some hope of a wealthy future, or some exciting, exclusive social life. You love each other for just who you are because, well, that’s all you’ve got.

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You’ll need to emotionally support each other

Your ability to support one another will really be put to the test. If you’re both still figuring things out in your careers, then you’ll have self-doubt and worry every day. And you’ll need to lift one another up when you’re down. That’s an important thing to be able to do, throughout life.

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You’ll need to have fun on little money

You’ll definitely need to get creative on date night (and any time you have free time). Dining out and going to concerts won’t necessarily be an option, but if you can have a good time and laugh with a case of cheap beer and freezer pizza, you’ll always have a good time together.

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You’ll find the right friends

You’ll find the best couple friends. You’ll know they aren’t trying to network you, and aren’t just with you for social-climbing purposes because…you aren’t good for any of that. The couple friends you make now will likely be your couple friends for life.

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You’ll face your parents’ inquiries

Your parents will question, doubt, and judge your relationship a lot. If you’re a woman, they may not come out and say it, but they probably wish you’d find a more financially stable partner—they’re just worried about you. So you’ll need to defend your partner, and your relationship, to them regularly. But this only makes your relationship stronger.

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Gifts must be thoughtful

Gifts will need to be thoughtful, because they certainly won’t be expensive. And when you need to get thoughtful gifts, you need to pay a lot of attention to your partner’s needs, habits, and hobbies.

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You’ll learn to problem solve together

You’ll become excellent problem solvers together. Figuring out how you’ll juggle utility bills, rent, credit card bills, and the plane tickets you need to buy to your cousin’s wedding will really strengthen your life management skills as a couple.

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You’ll meet one another with no egos

When you meet, you won’t have egos. I mean—how could you? You’re both sharing two-bedroom apartments with four other people and taking the bus. So your partner will always know the real you and visa versa. No status, no labels, no high profile, no money—just you, as you are.

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You’ll always know you can be happy

If you can be happy with almost no money then you’ll know you can always be happy. So, when you do have money, and there is a chance of losing it again, that stress won’t plague you as much as it would a couple who was always rich together. You’ve been to broke land before, you survived, and if you had to go back, you’d survive again.

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No expensive dates to create false chemistry

If you and your partner have real chemistry and compatibility, you’ll feel that, even when you go on the cheapest, most boring date in the world. It’s too easy to experience the illusion of chemistry when your first dates are all fancy and pricey.

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You’ll take care of each other

You have to take care of one another when you’re broke. You can’t hire a chef. You can’t get delivery for the other person when they’re sick and need soup. You have to make that soup. You can’t buy them a massage—you just have to give one with your own hands. You take a very hands-on approach to taking care of each other. You don’t throw money at problems.