Why it's okay if he financially supports you

Gettyimages.com/Man zipping up girlfriend’s dress

Gender roles have gone on an interesting and dizzying roller coaster. First, we needed to break free of the idea that women shouldn’t or couldn’t work (or didn’t want to work). Most of the world came around to the idea that it was okay and even great if both parents wanted to work. Then, things went even further and we became alright with women being the sole breadwinner (gasp) and the husband or father staying at home. Now, we’re realizing that, though extremism worked for a while to tip the scales back in a healthy direction, perhaps we tipped them too far in the other, still wrong, direction. Okay, here’s what I’m getting at: some women would genuinely be happy not working but feel pressured by society to work, so as not to come off as anti-feminist. But isn’t the whole idea behind feminism to let women do whatever they want? And what if what some women want is to be the homemaker? Here is why it’s okay to let your partner financially support you, if that’s what works for you.

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You know you’re not a gold digger

Look, if you’re worried people will see you as a gold digger for living off your partner’s money, who cares?! You know you love your partner for who he is. He knows that. Anyone who doesn’t know that doesn’t belong in your life.

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You’d do the same if the tables were turned

If you had a job you loved and were making six figures (or more) at, and your partner didn’t want to work so he could go back to school/write a book etc., you’d happily support him.

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If you can pursue your dream, do it

If letting your partner financially support you could mean getting to pursue your lifelong dream of leading meditation retreats, writing a book, going back to school to become a professor of literature…do it. Don’t let pride get in the way of this opportunity.

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Then, you can help him one day

And if you do get to pursue your dream because of this temporary financial support, it could be you who is financially killing the game one day. And you know when that happens, you’ll share the wealth.

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Because screw gender pressures

So, you won’t let your partner support you because you think it’s anti-feminist. Isn’t doing whatever the f&*k you want the most feminist thing of all?

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Don’t let pride force you into misery

If you absolutely hate your job, and do not need it for financial reasons, but are just keeping it due to your pride…that sounds pretty silly once I spell it out, huh?

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You can support your partner back

You will provide your partner tremendous support in return. Once you leave your job you hate, you’ll be in a better state of mind to provide emotional and mental support.

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It’s okay to love being a homemaker

There’s nothing wrong with enjoying homemaking. Think of how much your home meant to you, and how much it shaped you. Any good homemaker should be proud for providing a stable, warm, loving environment for their family.

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Or doesn’t care about your happiness

Seriously—your friends should just want what would make you the happiest. If any people in your life would judge you for doing something that would make you very happy, they aren’t your friends.

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Your partner really doesn’t care

Don’t worry your partner will see you in any less of a light. If he only liked you for your professional status well, that’s another issue.

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We are not our jobs

We are not our jobs. If the apocalypse hit tomorrow, however we reacted to that—that’s who we are. We are friends, spouses, daughters, mothers, siblings. We are our relationships. Our jobs have nothing to do with that.

Hey, we’re all retiring one day

By the way, one day, everyone—even your CEO, hustling, high-profile friends—will retire. So it’s never a good idea to put too much of your happiness into your work.

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It pains him to see you in a job you hate

It probably breaks your partner’s heart to see you in a job that makes you miserable when you don’t need to work there for the money and he is offering to support you.

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You will pull your weight

Don’t worry that you won’t pull your weight. If you leave the job you hate, you’ll be free to create a more emotionally and socially fulfilling life for you and your partner. Again, all of this comes with the asterisk * if it’s right for you.