Why having a daughter is just harder

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I can’t tell you how many times a month I say, “I hope we never have daughters” to my boyfriend. And I’m a woman who loves women. I think women are strong, majestic, beautiful, patient, brilliant, powerful angels who should rule the earth…! I just hope to never have to raise one of those strong, majestic, beautiful, patient, brilliant, powerful angels because I know how hard the world works to bring us down, to put us down, to drag us down, and to keep us down. I know what hell young girls go through to become strong women—I went through it myself. Sometimes, I really think it’s a miracle I turned out well adjusted, sane, and with plenty of self-love. Sure—I have good parents who instilled confidence in me and gave me a stable home. But I don’t know that that’s enough in this world to keep a young girl from falling off track to becoming a great woman. Here is why having a daughter is just harder.

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Other young girls can be nasty

First of all, while strong, grown women can be some of the most compassionate people out there, little girls can be nasty. We only become compassionate because we remember the nastiness we tolerated as children but…nobody wants their daughter to go through that.

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Girls can become pregnant

Um, hello! Women can become pregnant. People try to argue, “Well boys can get girls pregnant and that changes their life, too.” Don’t even start with me. A man can walk away from the whole situation when a woman is pregnant. A pregnant woman cannot walk away from her baby. Pregnancy affects girls so much more than it affects boys—let’s stop pretending that isn’t true.

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Men can be creepy

Older men will leer at and act like perverts towards our young daughters. What’s worse is that, as young girls, we wanted that attention—only as grown women do we realize how wrong and dangerous it was. But it’s hard and just painful to explain that to our daughters.

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Girls grow up fast, physically

Girls grow up very fast, physically. They’ll look 18 when they’re only 13. That can get them into a lot of trouble. That gets them into college parties, and gets them the chance to buy cigarettes or alcohol without IDs.

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And they grow up fast, mentally

Girls grow up quick mentally, too. They become pretty intelligent before they still have any real life experience, this leaves them feely anxious to try new (dangerous things) because they’ve outgrown their childish surroundings.

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People take advantage of their tenderness

We know that people—from co-workers to lovers—will take advantage of their tenderness. Women are nurturing, caring, and empathetic, but some people abuse and misuse those qualities in us.

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The body image stuff

Ugh. The dreaded body image stuff. What a minefield. Most women barely escaped those pressures alive, and we couldn’t really tell you how we did (luck? Therapy?), so how will we help our daughters through it?

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The beauty standards stuff

The beauty standards stuff poses a complete other set of issues. Now we’re talking about worrying that one’s face should be shaped like this, that only this kind of hair is attractive, that only these kinds of clothes are correct and so on.

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They’ll be mothers one day

And we know that our daughters will one day be mothers. Knowing the fear, anxiety, and confusion that comes with that is a whole other ballpark.

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They’re sensitive—for better or worse

Girls and women are sensitive—for better or worse. As we become women, we learn to hone our sensitivity—to use it for good and to harness it into empathy. We learn to become tougher in the face of criticism. But little girls are just…so raw.

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They pull at our heartstrings

It’s so hard to say no to a little girl—especially a crying little girl. Little girls just have this irresistible preciousness to them. Both moms and dads have a hard time saying no to the requests of a sweet little daughter! Saying no to a boy isn’t so bad. It makes him tough. But when we say no to little girls, we worry that we just break their hearts.

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The world will often tell them “No”

We know that the world will tell them that they can’t accomplish all that they want to because they are women. We know that, in many environments, they’ll be the odd one out, and have to fight just to be heard.

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They’ll receive upsetting comments

You know that your dear daughter will get catcalled. She’ll be criticized for her appearance, or praised for it in disgusting, predatory ways. You know she’ll be the target of all kinds of comments you wish never existed.

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They’ll be told they’re only worth their looks

You know your daughter will have to constantly fight the idea that she is only worth her looks—that she should just be a trophy wife, or a model, or an escort. You know that the world will tell her she’s only as valuable as she is attractive.