Things you can do before sex to help it feel more intimate

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Sex has a way of losing some of that magic after you’ve been together for a long time. You absolutely can still feel the magic in your relationship—maybe you just feel it more through your inside jokes or that show you both love to watch on Netflix. But do you remember how, when you first started dating your partner, sex was this all-consuming, ecstatic type of nirvana? Your bodies just couldn’t get enough of each other. Never give up on having that! When you live together or have spent upwards of five years together, it’s just a little harder to come by. Talk of utility bills and who will pick up more toilet paper gets in the way. By the time you make time for sex, it feels like an errand. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Here are things you can do before sex to help it feel more intimate.

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Laugh together

Laughing together releases all sorts of feel-good hormones in your bodies. Plus, when you laugh with someone, you’re actually connecting on several levels—intellectually, spiritually, and more. So watch a video or talk about something that will get you giggling.

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Give a break down on your days

You need to sort of release your day from your body before you can do anything else with your body. So take a few minutes to give one another the break down of your day. Too many couples forego this, thinking their stories are boring or unimportant. But it’s valuable just to have a feel for what your partner experienced that day, even if it wasn’t life-changing.

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Go through photos

Go through photos from trips you’ve taken together, weddings you went to together, your birthday party, his birthday party etc. This will jog your memory on all kinds of inside jokes and anecdotes, and simply going over your history together will make you feel close.

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Cuddle for a long time

Let your bodies be together for a while before actually getting into sex. When was the last time you dedicated a good half hour to cuddling? It will get all of those happy, bonding hormones flowing so you’ll both be primed for sex.

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Take a shower or bath together

If you have a hard time relaxing after the day is over, hop in the tub together. Here, distractions like laptops and phones can’t touch you. And the hot water and bubbles are sensual and soothing.

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Pre-plan your next trip

You don’t have to book anything, but just talking about and researching your next trip will put you both in a great mood and bring out your sense of adventure. So go ahead and peruse some hotels online in Costa Rica and talk about the waterfall hikes you’ll take.

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Reminisce

Take a walk down memory lane. Tell each other what you thought of each other when you first met. Talk about the first time you had sex, or the first time you told one another you loved each other, or knew you wanted to move in together.

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Praise each other

List off your favorite things about one another. Take a few minutes to really focus on each other, and tell each other everything you admire and find adorable.

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Show gratitude

Talk about what you’re grateful for in your own lives. This is great thing to do every day, sex or no sex. But it will put you both in amazing moods, and you’ll quickly find how many of the things on your list have to do with each other.

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Hang out in your undies

You know what a great way to strip away the day is? Strip away your clothes. It’s hard to get bogged down by any serious topics when you’re both in your undies. Plus, you get the chance to admire each other’s bodies.

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Finish your nagging tasks

Is there some task you won’t be able to stop thinking about until it’s done? So get that damn thing done. If you don’t, you’ll be thinking about it during sex and you won’t be present.

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Sext during the day

Start sexting during the day, reminding each other of the little things you do in bed that you love. Even if sexting isn’t your thing, you can send each other funny memes and just stay in touch. That way, you won’t feel like you’re starting from ground zero when you get home.

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Discuss that couple you’re better than

Okay okay, it might be a little petty, but you know you always feel closer after talking about that other couple who, um, sucks. But when you talk about their flaws, you’re actually indirectly talking about your strengths and the things you appreciate about this relationship.

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Do something thoughtful

If you know, for example, that your partner won’t have time to do laundry for days but he’s already out of clean shirts and you find yourself with time to kill, just clean some shirts for him. Those little thoughtful acts make you feel closer.