What it means to support him through thick and thin

Gettyimages.com/Young couple starting out in new home.

Couples may say they’ll be there for each other thick and thin, but many only say this when things are going well and they really don’t believe things could ever take a turn for the worse. In other words, they just get to say they’d be there no matter what, because they don’t think the risk of the what ever coming true is real. But I’ve found that the couples who have staying power are those who met when one or both individuals hadn’t quite “arrived” yet, so to speak. They were both still struggling through menial jobs while pursuing their passion on nights and weekends. Ordering delivery twice a month was a major treat and if they did, somehow, afford a vacation, they packed their own blender and made cocktails in the room rather than paying the hotel prices. If you can be happy when things are truly thin, you’ll always be happy because things can only look up! So, here is what it means to support your partner through thick and thin.

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Living modestly when he must

When your partner needs to save money because he’s quit his day job to pursue his dreams or needs to put all of his savings into startup capital for his business, that means you may need to give up some luxuries, too. But furthermore, you need to be happy to do it. Your partner can’t be stressed that pursuing his dreams is interfering with your nightly food delivery habit.

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Keeping his business private

If friends invite the two of you to do something you can’t afford to do right now, tell them you can’t go, but don’t tell them it’s because your partner is trying to save money. Men, in particular, have a lot of pride around things like that so keep his money matters private.

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Celebrating the small steps

Whether it’s having that first, admittedly small publication do a write-up on his new business or getting that first bundle of capital, celebrate it like it’s the biggest deal in the world! He needs your support during those times.

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Publicizing his big wins

And when something really is a big deal, shout it from the rooftops! Show your partner how proud you are of him by posting it on social media and calling your friends and family to tell them. You’d want him to do the same for you.

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Foregoing a traditional life sometimes

When your partner is just getting his dream or business off the ground, you may need to forego a traditional lifestyle for a while. What I mean is that dinner may be moved from 6 to 10pm and Sunday nights might be spent keeping him company while he creates a newsletter for the following week.

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Being a soundboard

When your partner has ideas, if he’s really fired up, stop what you’re doing and listen. If you can’t stop what you’re doing, ask if he can wait to talk to you about it until later when you can give him your full attention. Just make sure he feels heard.

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Never losing hope (to his face)

Even if, deep down, you sometimes worry what will happen and how things will turn out, never let your partner see that. When he is down, he needs you to be positive. Isn’t the reverse true when you’re down?

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Reminding him of his triumphs

When your partner doubts himself, remind him of how far he has come. Remind him of the things he accomplished that he never thought he would. Maybe make a little note of those victories as they come up so you can remind him of them later.

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Being on your own game

It’s just never good for a relationship if one or both people don’t have dreams. So go after yours! Seeing you do so will motivate your partner and bring energy to the relationship. Plus, he can’t have the pressure of making it for himself and for your sake if you have nothing going on of your own.

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Having your eyes and ears open

Just keep him in mind in case you ever hear of an event that would be good for him to attend, or meet someone you think he should meet. You are by no means his manager or publicist but, it couldn’t hurt to have your eyes and ears open.

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Learning a bit about what he does

You can’t be expected to be perfectly versed in the jargon of his industry, but he’d probably appreciate it if you took the time to learn a little bit about what he does. It will make the conversations more interesting for you and productive for him when he needs to talk out ideas with you.

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Making networking events date night

Occasionally, when your partner is still starting off, you may need to forego some regular date nights to be his plus one to networking events. It’s the only way you can spend time together and let him pursue his dream. Hopefully, he’ll do the same for you.

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Talking him down from panic attacks

Every so often, your partner will have—as we all do—those “I’m going nowhere, I’m failing, what is the meaning of any of this?!” meltdowns. Even though he’s being crazy, you have to not say, “You’re being crazy” and just talk him down.

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Stopping him from being impulsive

Like from sending nasty emails to a colleague who he felt played him or writing terrible reviews of someone he hired. When you burn a bridge, you never know how many things that bridge connected.