Realities of dating someone who has to flirt for work

Gettyimages.com/Bartender talking to customers

It’s not a pretty business, and nobody wants to admit it but, there are some jobs that just require you to flirt a little bit. Cocktail servers, bartenders, restaurant servers, cage dancers, exotic dancers—you get the idea—are just some of the professions in which simply allowing for the illusion that there may be some attraction or connection there can result in a higher tip. We’ve all had one of those jobs. In college, I was a hostess at a very popular and trendy restaurant and bar. I had to indulge in a little flirtatious banter with some of the guests. If I didn’t, they just read me as downright rude and I wouldn’t get that little $20 bill slipped into my hand that I could sometimes get for hooking someone up with a great table. But it wasn’t easy on my partner at the time…here are the realities of dating someone who has to flirt for work.

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Don’t visit him at work

If you want to hold onto your sanity, just don’t visit him at work. You don’t need those images of him flirting with people burned into your brain. Really—don’t let your curiosity kill your relationship.

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Don’t get mad at his customers

If you absolutely must stop by his work, don’t be rude to the customers flirting with him. He could lose a tip or worse—his job. Even if he doesn’t lose out, you will have only one a teeny, tiny battle in a giant war.

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There must be total trust

If you have even a smidgeon of mistrust in this relationship, your partner’s flirtatious career will make the whole thing unravel. If you know you trust him, know that and stick with it. No matter how things appear at his work.

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Sometimes, it will look too real

Like I said, you shouldn’t be at his work anyways. But if you are, sometimes, his flirting will look so realistic (he’s quite the good actor) it will be hard to differentiate fake flirting from the real stuff. But also remember that he doesn’t have to be with you—he wants to be. So when he flirts with you (you, who aren’t tipping him), it’s real.

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People always ask if you’re worried

Your friends and family always ask, “Doesn’t it bother you that he works in that field? That would get to me.” These comments do not help. You’re working hard enough to be strong, without people getting in your head.

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He’ll come home with confidence

Your boo will come home with plenty of confidence and some sexual tension built up that you get to enjoy—that’s always nice.

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You’ll wonder if he uses that move at work

When your partner does something to charm you—to manipulate you into doing something—you’ll wonder if he’s using a tactic he learned at work, on you.

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He has to appear single

Your partner has to appear single to bring in those tips and make customers happy. So you can’t be offended if he evades the question, “Do you have a girlfriend?” from his customers.

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So really, stay away

You also can’t kiss him or caress him in his workplace because you could ruin the illusion he creates for his customers, and that can mean a serious dip in pay.

Close up portrait of a cute young woman winking eye smiling and flirting

He probably doesn’t respect his patrons

Look, just so you know, he probably doesn’t respect people who try to buy affection and flirtation with money. The biggest tipper aka the biggest flirter is probably the customer your partner likes the least.

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It helps to befriend his coworkers

Get to know his coworkers so you can realize they’re nice people—they probably all have partners at home, too, and maybe even kids. They’re not conniving people, trying to get your partner to leave you for the dark side.

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He’ll want to wear sweatpants at home

He has to look good at work all the time. He’s tired of the tight shirts and the hair gel. At home, you may only get him in sweat pants and sweatshirts. But it’s okay to hint that you deserve to see him dressed up sometimes, too.

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He’ll have stalkers/super fans

Your partner will have stalkers, super fans, and big-paying customers who visit him a lot. They will have the delusion that they have some sort of a relationship with him, and he has to play into that delusion.

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He’ll spend his tips on you

You’ll know he loves you when he spends those hard-earned tips on you (well, not all of them—he has bills).

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He hates what it does to you

Try to keep your outbursts in check. Your partner already feels terrible about what his job does to you, even when you seem fine.