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Gettyimages.com/Portrait of confused African American young woman shrugging against white background

I learned a long time ago not to judge people with sexually transmitted diseases. I don’t know their stories. In fact, many of my close friends who are usually very careful in sexual encounters have contracted STDs. And honestly, I have some friends who are notoriously not careful and yet, by some miracle, they have not contracted anything. I’m glad they haven’t, but they also don’t necessarily deserve the reputation as some nun or super-cautious person because, well, they haven’t been—they just got lucky. When I was younger, I made a few mistakes that I’m very fortunate didn’t result in an STD. So, when my partner of five years now told me—on our third date, before we’d had sex—that he had an STD, I didn’t knock any points off of his score. It was a bummer, sure, but I didn’t let that fact affect my judgment of his character. I wish I could say the same for some other people in my life. Here are insulting things people say when your partner has an STD.

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When did you find out?

In other words, “He must have told you when you were already super invested in the relationship and too attached to leave.” In other words, “So he roped you in, and then he told you.”

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You found out early and stayed?

“Oh my gosh. You had this information early on and decided to stay? Why???” Well, because, in case you haven’t noticed, dating is hard, and I’m not going to let a physical flaw stand in the way of me being with someone if there is a real, emotional connection there. Condoms and prescriptions exist for a reason.

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You’re a saint for staying

I don’t exactly want to be called a saint for staying. I really love my partner. We’ve been together for five years now. We live together. We have an adorable dog together. If I had walked away from him, and risked not having this life together, all over something manageable, I would have been an idiot. Staying didn’t make me a saint—it made me smart.

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I wouldn’t touch you now

Oh this one’s great—when men tell me they wouldn’t date a woman after she’d been with a guy with an STD. First of all, buddy, I don’t want to be with you. And second, news flash, you have dated women who not only dated men with STD’s, but had STDs themselves. You just didn’t know it.