Negative thoughts about dating to banish today

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Finish this sentence: Dating is fill in adjective here. Did you come up with words like tough, infuriating, depressing, tiring, sad, annoying, maddening, or stupid? Yikes. Sorry you’re having such a rough time out there. Or rather, sorry that you’re making things so rough on yourself. Look, we can make our experiences anything we want. Our attitude affects what we experience, including how people respond to us. If you’re going into dates with a bad attitude about dating, you’re going to put off someone with whom you may have actually been compatible. Even if you manage to put on a happy face for dates, but at home, you indulge in some rather nasty thoughts about the whole business, that negative mindset is probably seeping into your behavior. And it’s not helping matters. Here are negative thoughts about dating to banish today.

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Men just want to date 20-year-olds

Sure, the immature men. But are those the guys you want to date anyways? Maybe be grateful that so many men blatantly want to date women two decades younger than them; it makes it easier to spot the mature guys.

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Guys just want to have sex

Maybe men in their twenties and early thirties, but really, most people come around to the realization that changing partners every couple of weeks is depressing and lonely. Most people want companionship—it’s in their nature. If you’re open about the fact that that’s what you want, then you’ll filter out the guys who just want sex, anyways.

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A bad date is a waste of time

No date is a waste of time. Every time you go on a date, you learn about yourself, and what you want in a partner. You learn about human nature, and become skilled at spotting certain personality types and correlations between behavior and characteristics.

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Dating is exhausting

It can be, but it won’t be with the right person. Take the fact that a date feels exhausting as a sign that that’s not the person for you. And take the fact that a date feels effortless as a sign that you should definitely go on a second date with this person!

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Nobody can make me as happy as me

That should definitely be true, because that means you’ve done your healing, and you’re emotionally stable. But in a great relationship, your partner will make you just as happy as you make yourself. So that’s the happiness you had before, squared, which is ultimately much happier!

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All men are douchebags

Stop it, stop it, stop it. How would you like it if potential mates were out there saying, “All women are b*tches?” None of that thinking gets anybody anywhere. Don’t think like that. Don’t be part of the problem—the rift between men and women.

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I don’t have my life together enough

Life is an ever-changing, ever-evolving thing. There’s no such thing as not having your life together, because there is no such thing as having it together. So long as you feel of stable mind, then you have things together enough to be in a relationship. Where you are in your career, weight goals, social climbing or other things shouldn’t matter.

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Everybody lies

Some people do lie. Unfortunately, that’s true. But lies always come out. And hopefully, if you date enough, you’ll spot the liars early. Trust yourself enough to know that you’ll recognize dishonesty. You got this.

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I’m boring

Because you don’t always know about this red carpet event or that trendy bar opening? People who know about those things are exhausting. Here’s a little secret: most people just want to find someone they enjoy doing nothing with, so they can stop pretending to like red carpet events and trendy bar openings.

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Nobody will understand me

I have bad news for you—yes, you, brooding there with your emo music on. You’re easier to understand than you think. You’re easier to love than you think. You just haven’t found the right person yet. So please stop with the misunderstood teenager act.

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I hate vapid chitchat

It’s true that first dates can involve a lot of vapid chitchat. But the words and conversation topics aren’t really what’s going on—if you vibe with somebody, every topic feels alive and exciting.

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Rejection sucks

Yes, it does. But if you know who you are, and know what you want, then in most cases, nobody will reject you who you didn’t already realize you weren’t compatible with.

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Having to reject people sucks

This is a tough one. But the moment someone agrees to go out with you, he signs up for the possibility of rejection. You both sign up for that. You have nothing to feel guilty about, so long as you let people down gently.

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Nobody is in my league

Well, if you think this, then you may need to take your ego down a notch. Is it really realistic to believe that nobody else of the billions of people out there has had the rich emotional experiences you have? Or has the ambition you have? Don’t be ridiculous.