Things about having daughters most dads never get used to

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The relationship between a father and his daughter is a very special one. It’s not like any new parent thinks about having a child of any gender and thinks, “I got this.” Everybody has their fears and doubts. But, perhaps because, by the time a woman has a baby, she’s already spent a lot of time taking care of men (let’s not pretend that guys don’t look to their girlfriends for that maternal nurturing), women don’t feel that having a son would be this totally confusing, shocking experience. Women feel equal worry about having a son, or a daughter. Meanwhile, if you ask most expecting fathers how they feel about the matter, most will tell you that the thought of having a daughter is particularly frightening—on a level of its own, really. Here are things about having daughters most dads never get used to.

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Telling them what to wear

It’s rather uncomfortable for a dad to have to tell his daughter to wear a longer skirt, or that she needs to cover up her tummy, or that she—gasp—must wear a bra! Moms are naturally more comfortable with these conversations.

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Explaining why they can’t wear that

It’s even harder for a dad when his daughter asks, “Why can’t I wear this?” How is he supposed to explain to her that not all men are as kind and respectful as daddy?

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The idea of men being with them

Most fathers, no matter their age, never get used to the idea that someone is going to have sex with their daughter. They can get used to the idea of their sons having sex, but not their daughters.

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Addressing body image issues

When girls hit that age when they start worrying about their weight, feeling insecure about their breasts, and talking about other body issues, most fathers are at a total loss on what to say.

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Addressing societal beauty standards

Beauty standards are a whole other thing. When little girls start worrying that they aren’t pretty, or that they want to look the way women do in magazines, dads don’t know what to do.

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Using public restrooms

Do you go into the women’s restroom with them? No. Because you, as the man, will upset the other women. Do you bring your little girl into the men’s restroom? Oh gosh! That’s the last place any man wants his daughter hanging out.

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Feeling so, SO protective

Dads just feel so, unbearably, painfully protective of their daughters. A lot of them wake up in the middle of the night just freaking out about the fact that they have this incredibly precious being in their charge.

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Talking to them about their relationships

How’s a dad supposed to talk to his daughter—teenage or adult—about her relationships? Dads barely talk to their friends about their own marriages.

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Watching them cycle through guys, just like them

Dads have to watch their teenage and adolescent daughters date guys who, for all intents and purposes, are fine, but still have a lot to learn and will break their daughter’s hearts. They know because they once were those guys.

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Realizing you’re a relationship role model

There are few things more terrifying to a dad than the fact that the way he treats his wife will shape and influence the types of relationships his daughter has.

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The ballet versus soccer debate

Or the Barbie versus G.I. Joe debate. The painting class versus karate debate. Dads don’t know if they should buy their daughters Barbies, or if that would be too gender-conforming. Should they take them to karate class? But they don’t want their precious little girls getting hurt!

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When they cry

When a young boy cries, it’s sad. But when a little girl cries to her daddy, it is devastating. It tears at the dad’s heart like nothing he’s ever felt before.

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Wanting men to treat them like princesses

It’s a catch-22. Dads want every man who dates their daughter to treat their daughter like a princess and spoil her. But they also know that’s not really good for her.

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Fear of pregnancy

Most dads have to push away total panic at the idea of their daughters becoming pregnant all day long for decades. It’s like this awful, dark, menacing thing that comes from being a dad.

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How early they mature

A lot of dads will tell you how shocked they are at how mature their little girls sound, speaking and composing themselves like little women, already at the age of eight or nine. Boys aren’t like that.