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Gettyimages.com/smoking a cigarette

If you thought you couldn’t stand it when your partner was a full-time chain-smoker, just wait and see what it’s like when he tries to quit. You might miss the days when he was just smoking, and not thinking about quitting smoking. At least when he was smoking, he had something to turn to when he was under stress or feeling emotionally overwhelmed. When he quits smoking, he may try and try to find something to replace that buzz, but there is nothing quite like it, and you’ll both pay for that reality soon enough. But, naturally, your partner should quit smoking—all of the turmoil and drama along the way will be worth it considering the years it will add to his life. Just know that you don’t get to be a quiet bystander. Here’s what your partner who is trying to quit smoking wants you to know.

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He does want to quit

Stop asking your partner, “Do you even want to quit?” Of course he does, or he wouldn’t have started on this journey in the first place. If he smokes, it’s not because he doesn’t want to quit—it’s probably because of some other very pressing emotional or physical demand that was stronger than his desire to quit.

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Yes, he’s thought about your children

And yes he has thought about how his future children deserve a smoke-free home, and how he could give your potential kids second-hand smoke. You just make him feel terrible when you bring this up, but it doesn’t help him quit.

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Yes, he’s thought about the financial implications

Your partner has also thought about how much money he spends on cigarettes each year and the fact that you could put that money towards your children’s college tuition or a vacation.

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Don’t invite other smokers over

Try to keep other smokers away from your partner when he’s trying to smoke. At outdoor restaurants, don’t even sit at a table near smokers—wait for the next available table.