When you stop caring about meeting someone

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You don’t really realize how much of what you do is altered by the fact that you want to find someone until you stop caring whether or not you find someone. When you see yourself as on the market or on the prowl, that has a way of sneaking down into the deepest depths of your behavior—it sets up shop in the subtle corners of your personality, habits, and attitude. When you genuinely stop caring if you meet someone, then this giant thing that used to have a hold on you just…drifts away. It loses its control over you. And the changes that happen next may surprise you. There’s certainly nothing wrong with wanting to meet someone. Most people want that! But that desire can also feel heavy, and tiresome. Letting it go can be quite liberating. Here’s what happens when you stop caring if you meet someone.

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You discover your personal style

You realize you were limiting your clothing options to items you thought men found attractive, or that men understood. Now you wear what you really want to wear—from sparkly shorts to extremely loud jackets. Whatever. You love it!

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You just go to the bars, restaurants, places you like

Whether or not there will be eligible men at a place doesn’t factor into your decision to go there at all. And you realize you didn’t really like half of the places you used to go to! The ambiance was lackluster. It was too loud. But those were the places “to meet people.”

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You have a lot more fun

You seriously just have so much more fun. It’s like some sort of a ban has been lifted from your life—a ban to be who you are, for fear of scaring off men.

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You find out who your real friends are

You discover that some of your friends only hung out with you because you made a good wing woman, or because you were also on the prowl, so you were always up for going to the single’s bars with them. Now that you don’t want to go to those bars, some of your friends disappear.

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You realize you could be a better friend

You realize that you’ve actually been a bit neglectful of your friends who are married, in serious relationships, or for whatever reason didn’t want to go looking for men on the weekends.

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You just walk out the door, passing the mirror

Leaving the house becomes so much easier. You don’t need to fix your hair and makeup to do simple things like walk your dog, get the mail, or pickup food from the restaurant up the street.

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Some men don’t even know how to talk to you

Some men only know how to talk to women who want men to want them. When these men encounter you, they have no idea what to make of your vibe. They only know how to flirt—but not how to have a regular conversation with a woman.

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Guys flock to you

Naturally, as soon as you don’t want men to hit on you, they all do. If you do agree to a date with someone, he comes in hot—already talking about wanting a relationship, and wanting to travel with you. A lot of men only want what they can’t have.

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You become radiant

When you stop caring whether or not you meet someone, you start really caring about what makes you—just you—happy. And when you’re focusing on that, you’re radiant.

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You engage deeper in conversation

Before, you were only ever 75 percent present in a conversation. The other 25 percent of you was scanning the room, making sure you were aware of the eligible men in it. Now you fully engage in conversations.

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You say whatever you think

You realize, much to your embarrassment, that you used to edit what you said in order to make jerks comfortable. You always wanted to seem “chill” and “easy going” so you’d keep quiet when men said rude, sexist, or egotistical things. Now you call men out. And damn it feels good.

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You can’t believe you liked that guy

You also realize that you once convinced yourself that you had mini crushes on a bunch of, errr, well, less-than-great guys. You just wanted to find someone so badly that you convinced yourself those guys were better than they are.

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Your career gets a little pop

Your career naturally gets a little pop when you can rededicate some of the energy you used to spend on dating to your work.

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Your experiences become more varied

If a place, a class, a person, or an experience interest you, you just go. It doesn’t matter if you might meet men there. It doesn’t matter if it takes away from the time you could be spending trying to meet men. And it doesn’t matter if it somehow makes you more attractive to men. As such, your experiences become far more varied.