Do you talk about yourself too much?

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In order for both people in a relationship—romantic or platonic—to feel happy, the relationship needs to be about give and take. It has to be a nice balance of listening and talking. Both individuals should feel, when they get together, that they each have the chance to shine, vent, show off, and be heard. So why does this balance get so often thrown off? Well, because talking about oneself feels good. And we rarely realize that things that feel good and natural can be bad. Plus, if you have a really good friend, she probably wants to provide a constantly-present shoulder to cry on and listening ear, so she may not tell you that you’ve been a bit self-involved lately. And think about it: having to tell someone they talk about themselves too much is so uncomfortable. So don’t put your poor friend in a place where she has to say it. Instead, look for the signs. Do you talk about yourself too much?

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You don’t know what’s happening in your friend’s life

If you stop and think about it, you have no idea what major changes have happened in your good friend’s life for the last couple of months. And yet, you speak to her several times a week. Hmmm….Could it be that nothing has happened in her life at all for months? Or that you haven’t given her the chance to tell you about it?

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You don’t remember whom you’ve told what

You often repeat yourself and people have to tell you, “You already told me that.” When you constantly talk about yourself, you can’t remember whom you’ve told what.

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As far as you know, your friend has no problems

As far as you know, your friend’s life is perfect. She’s had no problems, struggles, or worries. Now exactly how realistic does that sound? Not very. You probably just haven’t given her an opening amidst your long-winded stories to tell you about her problems.

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You feel an enormous weight is lifted after you hang out

You feel like you’ve been cleansed after hanging out with your friend. You almost feel like someone performed an exorcism on you. Well, sure—because you spoke the whole time. You just dumped your burdens on your friend.

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You look forward to hanging out as you do to therapy

You feel anxious when you haven’t spoken to your friend in a few days. You feel quite needy of her attention. That can happen when you’re the one taking all the attention in your interactions. Meanwhile, your friend doesn’t seem as anxious to see you and that’s probably because she does all the giving (aka listening) when you hang out.

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You start hangouts by saying, “I have so much to tell you”

Rather than, “I want to know what’s happening in your life” or “We really need to catch up” or “What’s been going on with you?”

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Your text thread is all you

If you scroll through your text thread, there are a disturbingly high number of outgoing texts and very few incoming ones with your friend. And most of her texts say things like, “Ha!” or “Hmm…”

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You feel your life is very interesting

You consider your life quite interesting. You think it could make the plot for a Lifetime movie. Most people who talk about themselves constantly do believe that.

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Your throat hurts after socializing

That one’s rather obvious. You barely put a dent in your food or drink when you hang out, either, because your mouth is always busy talking.

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You learn your friend’s news very late

You find out about your friend’s breakup, new apartment, or promotion weeks after it has occurred. That’s because you don’t give her a moment to speak when you see one another.

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Your friend always ends the hangout first

Your friend is always the one to say, “Well, I really gotta get going!” You are almost never the one to end the hangout because, if nobody stopped you, you’d never stop talking.

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You run late a lot due to phone calls

As most people grow up, they tend to cool it on those daily hour-long phone calls with their mom or best friend. Unless you’re someone who needs to talk about yourself a lot.

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You think your friends are amazing listeners

When you picture them, they are nodding, saying “Ah” and giving you empathetic nods. Strangely enough, you don’t picture them speaking (it’s because they rarely get to).

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People have said you should write a book

In other words, please direct this egotism into some project and publish it so you can fulfill your need to have the whole world listen to you and I can stop listening.