How healthy couples keep fights short and sweet
How Healthy Couples Keep Fights Short And Sweet
Gettyimages.com/Man showing ‘I’m Sorry’ sign to angry girlfriend
For some couples, one fight can ruin their whole day—nay, their whole week. You don’t want to be nearby when a disagreement begins to brew with those couples because you know there is no chance of salvaging the night. With couples like that, they just have to pray no point of dispute arises during something special like, say, a vacation, because the entire experience becomes a wash. Why is it that some couples just have a harder time bouncing back from fights than other ones? On the flip side of the couples I just described, there are couples who can get over a fight within a half hour. You can go on a double date with them that night and they’ll not only be affectionate with one another and happy, but they’ll also be joking about the fight. It’s not about luck or the severity of the fights—it’s about how they fight. Here is how healthy couples keep fights short and sweet.
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They throw a smile in there
They resist the urge to display a malicious face when they’re upset. When one person looks disgusted or angry, the other person feeds off of that and immediately goes on the defense. Healthy couples say what they need to say with a smile, or at least a neutral facial expression.
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They apologize for causing pain
They always apologize for causing the other person pain, even if it was unintentional. They understand that the hurt person doesn’t want the mistake explained away—they want the feeling it caused them to be addressed.
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They touch
Just like with the smile, maintaining a positive and loving atmosphere is key. In a healthy relationship, if one person states that the other has hurt him, the latter immediately goes to the hurt person’s side, hugs them, holds their hand, or does something to indicate they’re in this together. They don’t quarantine themselves to the opposite side of the home.
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They understand the intention
Healthy couples always remember that their partner did not intend to hurt them. The argument usually arises from the misunderstanding that one person wanted to hurt the other, but stable couples know that’s never true and that keeps the conflict from getting worse.
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They check that the fight is over
Even after both parties have said everything is good, they double and triple check that everything is good. They do not attempt to move on with their day until they’re certain everyone feels at peace (they know that leaving any unresolved feelings lingering will mean this fight will return).
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They use terms of endearment
This goes back to maintaining that loving, team-oriented environment. When healthy couples fight, they still address one another as “Sweetie”, “Honey”, and other terms of endearment to maintain closeness.
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They make a peace offering
Healthy couples always try to find some way to make the hurt person feel like the wrong has been righted or that a solution is being looked for. They offer suggestions of things they can do to make it up to the person, or help them feel better.
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One stays calm if the other is upset
Stable couples understand that, if one person is upset, it only gets worse if the other gets upset in response. So, when the hurt individual says, “I’m angry about this” the other individual says calm and collected.
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They let the other one speak
They do not interrupt one another when speaking. You know what drags out fights? Interruption. Healthy couples let one anther speak until they’re done speaking even if they take issue with what the other person is saying.
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They stop what they’re doing
They give the fight the attention it deserves. They don’t continue answering that Facebook message or purchasing those shoes online. They don’t add disrespect to the pile of issues.
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They maintain eye contact
They look at one another during the argument. Turning away from one another creates emotional distance that isn’t needed during a fight.
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They look for common ground
They make a point of looking for points they agree on within the issue. This helps them begin to feel that they’re on the same side again.
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They ask for clarification
They don’t respond to the accusation or issue until they’re totally clear on the matter. They ask for clarification, examples, and anything that will make them completely clear on what their partner is feeling.
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They give extra affection when it’s over
They make sure to be extra loving in the hours after the fight. They understand that their relationship needs a little more support and attention than usual after a fight.
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They keep things in perspective
Before even responding to an accusation or issue, they always remember that this person loves them, wants the best for them, and—at least 95 percent of the time—makes them very happy.
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