Hilarious and true signs you’re out of shape

Gettyimages.com/Taking a break from working out to jog during London’s early morning, in order to call a friend.

Being in shape is a bit of a misleading term. It sounds like it refers to the literal shape of your body, but it doesn’t. You can look amazing because you’re blessed with great genes or an impeccable metabolism, but you can still be out of shape. You know who you are: you love to shop because you look good in everything, but you hate going to the doctor because your answers to the questions, “How often do you exercise?” and “Are you active?” are embarrassing. But the human body was designed to be pretty active. Don’t forget that we used to hunt and forage for our own food (not to mention run away from the animals that hunted us). If we lead a stagnant life, our body tells on us in some rather funny ways. Here are hilarious and true signs you’re out of shape.

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Leg (shaving) days are exhausting

When you do full grooming days in the shower (shave your legs, wash your hair, shave your privates) you are exhausted. You’ve had to sit down in the shower for a moment on these days.

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You’ve snuck out of exercise classes

You’ve faked an injury or pretended to receive an important phone call to get out of an exercise class. And this was only during the beginning stretching part of the class.

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Your dog still has energy after your walks

Your dog is still plenty hyper after walks because, well, you can’t keep up with him or walk very long. It’s okay: you’ve bought one of those robotic ball throwers to keep him busy. Or, is that not okay?

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You have to take breaks during sex

If you switch positions, you have to stop and catch your breath. But you campaign pretty hard to never switch positions. And if somebody has to get up to get the lube, it isn’t going to be you.

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A day of sightseeing leaves your legs burning

Walking around a museum, strolling around your old high school for a little nostalgia, or simply traversing one long shopping street leaves your legs burning the next day. Your friends, however, went to the gym even before you did any of that.

Bigstockphoto.com/Portrait beautiful smiling african woman wearing a jeans clothes on stairs

You’re the one holding up the escalator

If you end up on one of those narrow escalators that can only accommodate one person on each step, everybody will just have to wait behind you. You don’t walk up escalators. That’s not the point of them.

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When you take the stairs, the slow elevator beats you

You’ve taken the stairs, hoping to beat the painfully old and slow elevator. But the elevator got there long before you. And it made four stops.

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But you won’t take the stairs for over two flights

But let’s be real, you won’t take the stairs for over two flights. As far as you’re concerned, it’s worth waiting 10 minutes for an elevator in a very busy building rather than climbing three flights of stairs.

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You get tired getting ready for the gym

By the time you change into workout clothes, tie your shoes, pack your gym bag and stretch, you’re exhausted and cancel the gym altogether.

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You cannot talk and walk

You cannot possibly talk and walk at the same time. Actually, you cannot really talk unless you are sitting perfectly still. Trying to talk while you simply chop vegetables exhausts you.

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You need VIP parking

You will wait as long as you have to for that parking spot immediately in front of the door of the venue. It doesn’t matter that there is one 15 feet away or that you are late.

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You’re always sweaty

You get sweaty grocery shopping, brushing your hair, and going across your apartment more than twice. People often assume you’ve just finished a marathon due to the amount of sweat you produce.

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You order delivery from the place up the street

You order delivery from the place that is three blocks away. The delivery person is often hesitant to believe he’s even at the right place because he walked to your apartment from the restaurant.

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You don’t finish your shopping because the item is too far

You often leave the grocery store without things you need because some of the items were just too far away. If you’re at isle one and flour is at isle 11, you just won’t be baking that week.