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When it comes down to it, when you really think about it, when you get down and dirty…sex is sex is sex. It’s the same thing for everybody. It’s intercourse. It’s the comingling of genitalia. So then why is some sex so great and some sex just…blah? Or worse, awkward? It’s all about the lead-up. Haven’t you found there were some times when you and your partner hit the sack and you wanted him more than ever, while there have been other times when sex felt more arbitrary—like you were just doing it to get it over with? You can control that feeling. And, let’s be honest, you tend to orgasm more when you were really in the mood prior to sex. For women especially, what happens before sex is just as important as what happens during sex. Here are things you should be doing before having sex.

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Watch your favorite scandalous show

Whether that’s “Game of Thrones” or “Girls,” watching a show where people are constantly getting it on makes you pretty ready to get it on yourself by the time the episode is over.

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Have a no work/no chore talk rule

If date night is starting, have a rule that you don’t talk about work or chores or any logistical matters. All that talk does is pull you out of the moment—out of your bodies, and into your heads.

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Put away electronics

Don’t even bring your phones into the bedroom. Somebody will have forgotten to turn off an alarm. Somebody will think their phone was on silent, but it wasn’t. And then they see their mom calling and that kills the mood.

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Have plenty of physical contact

I’m not even talking about foreplay: I’m talking about cuddling, sitting on his lap, holding hands, and kissing before you get into the bedroom. Women tend to need plenty of physical contact leading up to sex to feel in the mood for sex.

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Finish that nagging task

You know the top reason you don’t enjoy sex is that you’re just rushing through it so you can get back to whatever else you need to do. So, for the sake of your sex life, do that thing before getting it on.

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Take long, deep breaths

You don’t necessarily need to meditate (although doing so before sex can be quite the experience) but just sitting in a quiet room and taking long, deep breaths can get you more into your body and out of your head.

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Talk about your goals

Feeling supported in your career, getting excited about the future, and just reconnecting can all make you feel happy, alive, and in the mood. So take twenty minutes to talk about what you’re excited about and what you’re working towards (then initiate the no work talk rule).