Awkward things your friends say when you’re polyamorous

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Polyamory is something that society at large is just starting to accept as part of the normal spectrum of romantic relationships. Naturally, there are still some people the concept can be hard to explain to, like your 93-year-old grandma. You may just want to let sleeping dogs lie on that one. But, for the most part, polyamorous people are beginning to feel more comfortable being open about their sexuality. They don’t mumble it under their breath or hide it from their friends. There are even plenty of dating apps and websites now specifically targeted towards polyamorous individuals. That being said, a lot of people—even young millennials—still have some awkward questions about this lifestyle and they aren’t afraid to ask them. Here are awkward things your friends say when you’re polyamorous.

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Has everybody been tested?

Being polyamorous is really safer for your sexual health than just being single, if you think about it. When you’re in polyamorous relationships, you are in meaningful relationships with people with whom you can discuss things like std’s and getting tested. That’s way better than just being out there having one night stands.

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Do you feel bad meeting his parents?

The assumption being that polyamorous people aren’t really committed to one another nor do they really care about each other, so they must feel bad going home for the holidays to meet one another’s family. If they’re going to meet each other’s family, they do take this relationship seriously.

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You just haven’t found the one

Nor will they because they don’t believe in the concept of the one. This comment is rather insulting because it implies that polyamory is just something they’re settling for until monogamy works out.

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Don’t the guys get jealous?

Polyamorous people tend to only date other polyamorous people. So no, their partners don’t get jealous. They have an understanding that everyone in this relationship is dating other people and if they’re going to behave jealously then they aren’t right for this lifestyle.

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What will you tell your kids?

This question is a bit rude since A) You’re assuming they’re having kids and B) You’re suggesting that polyamory is some taboo thing they’d need to hide from their children.

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Will you all live in a commune one day?

Polyamory is not a sister wives situation. It’s not a big group of people who are all dating one another.

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You’re having a lot of sex

Since when does being in any sort of relationship automatically indicate a level of sexual activity? Polyamorous people like monogamous ones have a broad range of sex drives.

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You must like one the most

Maybe, but that still doesn’t mean they’re meant to be monogamous with that person they like the most. Polyamory isn’t just the result of not liking any one person very much, but liking several a little. Polyamorous people only date people they really like (and love!)

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You’re just having your fun

In other words, some people think polyamory is just a phase people go through before they’re “mature enough” to settle down into monogamy. Which is funny, because plenty of monogamous people are clearly not mature enough to carry on monogamous relationships. Maturity and monogamy do not go hand in hand.

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You’re very chill

What people are trying to say here is that the monogamous individual is just letting the people they date get away with a ton of shenanigans. But they don’t understand that the fact that the people they are seeing are dating other people isn’t an issue at all. It’s not just a problem they tolerate—it’s not a problem.

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You’re probably bisexual

Some people assume that polyamorous individuals are bisexual, or even homosexual and just don’t realize it yet. That’s not true, either.

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You never have to pay for a meal again

It’s not very nice to diminish a friend’s relationship down to some scheme by which she is just having her meals and rent paid for. She, just like monogamous individuals, probably doesn’t always let the man pay, either.

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So you are single

No, your polyamorous friend is not single. She is open to new partners but she isn’t single. So don’t try to set her up with your monogamous friend. That will be a disaster.

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It’s sanctioned cheating

Nobody is cheating in a polyamorous relationship (well, unless they’re dating one person who assumes it’s a monogamous relationship). The entire reason people get into polyamorous relationships is that they don’t believe monogamy is natural, or at least not for themselves, which makes the concept of cheating almost evaporate.

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I know someone who is polyamorous

Okay…what does that have to do with anything? When you mention you’re monogamous, does your polyamorous friend mention that she knows someone else who is monogamous? Probably not, because it would be a dead-end conversation.