Here are people you should never bad mouth

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Life can bring us a lot of characters whom we don’t particularly like. Perhaps it’s a way of making us develop patience, understanding, tolerance, and a lot of other character traits that can be hard to sustain without regular practice. That’s what these annoying people do—provide us the chance to regularly practice patience. But sometimes, you can’t help but want to vent. You’ve been so damn patient for so long and you need to let it out. Look, if your hairdresser or doctor has a personality that gets under your skin, it’s okay to vent. But there are some people in your life that, no matter how much they irritate you, you need to keep your thoughts about them to yourself (or to a diary with a break-proof lock). Here are people you should never bad mouth.

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Your boss

When you’ve developed some camaraderie with your coworkers, it’s easy to get caught up in talking sh*t about the boss when you’re all at happy hour. But how well do you really know each of those co-workers? There is no telling who would happily throw you under the bus if you were in competition for the same position.

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Your ex boss

You’re free of your boss! She was a nightmare! Yay! That doesn’t mean it’s time to start slandering her name. She does work in your industry, after all, and probably knows a lot of people you’ll wind up meeting.

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Your neighbor

Sometimes neighbors can be a nuisance, but you really shouldn’t create a hostile environment where you leave. Maybe a weird smell comes from one unit, or one neighbor always chats your ear off in the hallway. But if that neighbor ever heard you were badmouthing them, you’d feel awkward each time you went in and out of your front door. And you can forget about asking them to receive packages or walk your dog for you.

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Your mentor

Mentor/mentoree relationships can be complicated. But, like your boss, your mentor likely works in the field that you hope to thrive in. Any person you talk to about your mentor could know your mentor, or be two degrees of separation from knowing her. Word gets around fast.

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Your best friend

Because you love your best friend so much, she’s also capable of pissing you off the most. But the truth is if you ever lost that relationship, you’d be devastated. If your best friend upsets you, always talk to her first and not all of your other friends.

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Your investors

If you have investors, producers, or somebody backing your project, they’re going to want to have some input in the way things are run. Sometimes their input is going to be, well, um, uninformed. But your project also wouldn’t survive without them so don’t go badmouthing their ideas and input to your colleagues.

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Your exes

Talking badly about exes is just petty. They’re out of your life and not affecting you anymore, so why do you still feel the need to affect them in some way (i.e. by ruining their reputation)? When you badmouth exes, it makes everyone else in your life wonder what you say about them.

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Your partner’s exes

So your partner’s ex was an awful person. He moved on! Good for him! You only remain the saint that you are in his eyes if you don’t condemn that demon he used to date. Talking poorly about your partner’s exes just makes you look insecure.

Your colleagues

Always deal with troublesome colleagues directly. They can’t get on your case about simply bringing up an issue with them, but they can get pretty upset if they hear that you talked to everybody else about it first.

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Your spin instructor

I don’t know if you’ve noticed but uh…spin instructors are regarded as gods at most gyms. If you don’t like yours, find another one, but don’t try badmouthing her with the other students over smoothies. Most of those students feel like disciples to that instructor and will tell her what you said.

Your partner’s parents

Are your partner’s parents a little nutty? Are they even stubborn and unbearable? Guess what: you don’t get to talk about them like that. You just have to accept that putting up with them is part of the package of being with your boo. (If he complains about them, you can commiserate a little).

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Your parent’s new spouse

Having your divorced parent remarry is a very complex experience. No matter what age you are, you can feel like your stepparent is trying to take the place of your real one. But if your parent found out you were talking poorly about their new spouse to outsiders, they would be crushed.

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Your partner

Here’s a good question: if you find yourself having to talk badly about your partner so much, what are you doing with him?

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Yourself

Everybody has insecurities and weaknesses. While you should talk them out in a constructive way with a therapist or a friend—acknowledge your fears, so they don’t control you—you shouldn’t badmouth yourself. When you tell others you’re a failure, they see you that way, and you attract other people with self-destructive habits.