How men and women handle breakups differently

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You have to admit that men and women approach breakups in entirely different ways. There’s no right or wrong way (sort of)—the truth is, we’re all just trying to get through the pain anyway we can. And we’re all delusional in thinking that we can avoid the pain somehow—that we can skip it, go around it, over it, or under it, but certainly not through it. Everyone has his or her theories on how to get through a breakup quickly, but there’s really no short cut. If you’ve helped a male friend and female friend through a breakup, you’ve probably noticed that the sexes have vastly different opinions on how to handle it. Here are hilariously painful truths about how men and women handle breakups differently.

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Men don’t want to talk about it

Men full-heartedly do not want to talk about it at first. They refuse to dominate guy’s night with the topic of their breakup. They sum of the breakup in one minute, and change the subject.

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Women will talk about only that

When a woman goes through a breakup, that is the thing that her and her friends talk about for weeks after the breakup. There is an unspoken agreement that that friend needs to be tended to right now—that she needs to get it all out.

Until men drink; then they talk about it

Once men drink a ton of alcohol (and they do drink a ton of alcohol) then they start talking about it. In fact, then they fixate on it the rest of the night. They tell complete strangers about it.

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Women avoid alcohol

Women tend to avoid alcohol—at least in excess—because we know it will only make us more upset. We do takeout, candy, ice cream, pressed juice…but not a bunch of alcohol.

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Men try to get right back out there

Men like to pretend they can just move right on—like they weren’t even affected by the breakup. They’ll be on first dates within a week of their breakup. In fact, women know this is true because a lot of us have been out with men who, it turns out, (uh oh) just broke up with somebody. What? So what are we doing on this date?

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Women take some “me time”

Women don’t want to date for a while. Perhaps too long. We want me time. We want to heal. We want to get the ex out of our systems—to cleanse. We won’t touch men, almost as if they’re hot potatoes.

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Men live life as if it isn’t happening

Men won’t change a thing about their life. They’ll keep up their same old routine as if nothing earth-shattering just happened. They’ll get up at the same time, go to the same coffee shop, and do the same things they normally would every day.

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Women go on trips/take classes/change everything

Women want change. We want to go on a trip. We want to take classes. We want to take up a hobby. We want to make more time to read. We want to make our lives look different than they did during the breakup.

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Men get into aggressive exercise

Men get into aggressive exercise—they’re lifting weights, doing P90X, getting into boxing, and doing a lot of things that involve grunting.

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Women get into yoga/hiking/meditative exercise

Women get into meditative exercise like yoga, swimming, nature walks, and hiking. Exercise, for us, is about getting in touch with our bodies rather than working out aggression.

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Men: we weren’t compatible

Men say: we weren’t compatible. It just didn’t work out. Wasn’t meant to be. They keep it simple. They don’t analyze.

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Women: we both could’ve worked harder

Women think of all the little things each person could have done differently. They analyze that relationship to death.

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Men get angry

Men tend to become angry after breakups. Or, perhaps they just turn their sadness into anger. Either way, you see more aggression than tears.

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Women get sad

Women get deeply sad. We cry a lot. We can even go into bouts of depression, doing nothing but sleeping and calling our moms for days.

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Men throw themselves into work

Men go on a warpath of proving to the world and themselves that they don’t need that woman—that they’re going to be some sort of a powerhouse all on their own. They do this by throwing themselves into their careers.

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Women throw themselves into self-improvement

Women throw themselves into self-improvement. We might go to therapy, join a support group, or buy self-help books.